FIVE DAYS, only FIVE DAYS and we get to talk to you!!! I realize that this is a stretch...but do think you could find a video SKYPE place? We have a web cam now and you could see us and then WE COULD SEE YOU!!!! (eleven fast Sunday's and I will HOLD you!!) Just so you know my heart is not set on the SKYPE thing...pretty sure it might be impossible...but IF...oh lovely day!!! I'm so excited to get instructions from you on what time and what numbers...
We had a conversation at study group dinner last night about how long you talk to your missionary in light of how many different "guidelines" are given--as many as there are mission presidents. I said I talk until MAMMA FEELS HAPPY. One mom said she gave her missionaries the option to NOT talk to her if it would be too hard to get back into the mission frame of mind. (None of them took the option- they all called). At first I thought, "it's not EVEN in me to be that considerate--WHEN will I learn to love like that?"I've thought ALOT about that knowing that I am self absorbed and selfish. I was going to ask forgiveness for not being that kind of mom. But I'm still thinking. And right now, dead center REAL in my heart, I don't WANT to be that kind of a mom. It's okay with me if our talking until I FEEL GOOD about how you are makes you homesick. Isn't HOMESICK good? Doesn't homesick mean you LOVE us and MISS us? That we are worth the LOVE and MISSING?Doesn't my heart ACHE for you because I LOVE YOU? I want my God to ache for me the way I ache for you. I think life is learning to deal with the aches when we have other things we need to be about instead of the ones we WANT to be about. A few times in my life I have been WASHED in what I think is God's love...and it has been hard to want to stay on the planet when the feeling has left. But it has been that very feeling that has filled me with hope of what can be one day. It's THAT feeling that I remember when loving you. Loving you has washed me with that same kind of GOTTA GET ME MORE love. I think that is the very feeling you are out trying to teach people about...that THAT is the feeling that brings our lives the happiness we are seeking for. I also know I don't get MOST things right. I know there are greater levels of loving. I'm pretty sure I'm not ever going to even be able to "see" or "understand" that kind of good. But I can FEEL my kind of love and its all I know so far. And it's deep. It makes my heart ache for you. And IF the President gives you some kind of guidelines this time, you may want to prepare him for your Mother. That it would not be YOU who was disobedient to HIS rule...but your MOTHER who believes God's rules reign...and her God would let her love all over her boy with as many minutes and words as needed for her heart to endure another 5 months without it.
Thank you for loving me in all my imperfection.
FIVE DAYS!!!!!!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mom XXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOO
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