Flying solo scares the bejeezus out of me. Some times.
Especially in the dark of the night.
When I am working something out, or not, the heavens seem to know they can find me at 330ish in the morning. I wake. The fear already wrapped tight, I start to use my "tools" to transform it into love. But there is NOTHING like the LIGHT of morning coming to literally lift off the darkness. Angels of Mine...I commit to listening in the day time. I do. Donald Miller told me 200 times in scripture it says DO NOT FEAR. Pretty sure thats cuz WE ARE GOING TO BE AFRAID. At 53, I know to be afraid. I know that things don't always work out. I also know that things not working out can actually be things working out. Paradox. Blessed Paradox.
I have a friend and business hero who put everything on the altar to promote her business and her passion...and her EVERYTHING was a lot more than most will ever even glance past. It didn't work out as she originally envisioned. She is not afraid. If she is, I can't see it or feel it. I'm a watcher and a feeler. I am a amazed. I am in awe. I feel MY potential by looking in on her...but I feel WAY to weary to pay her price. She scoops up the sacred heap of the remnants with peace. With no missed breaths, she has already started the transitioning to new places. In this lifetime she mastered fear. Mastered it.... and championed restructuring and HOPE. I want to be like her...but do NOT want to pay the price. There. I've said it. I want easy. I want only successes. Can't I please just be freaking amazing...FEARLESSS... without putting EVERYTHING on the line?
Yep. I know that ain't happening. I also know I'm pretty much NOT the girl to put EVERYTHING on the line...I don't move without some assurance. First child issues. Gots to keeps everybody SAFE.
Call me Gideon. Again. And AGAIN. One more fire Gods...one more fire...could it be in the form of a penny placed in that place I asked it to be? So there is NO RETREAT on my part?
Did I tell you when I started Do Terra I didn't think through that I/we would actually one day have gathered thousands of people? That even though I/we have done it...and are gathering still...that there are days I feel like I have NO IDEA what I am doing and I am scared? I just want oils and happiness and incomes that produce sweet lives for my tribe. I am just winging it people. I am just winging it with the best I know. Yep, in fear. I have some ideas that worked for me...and a whole list of those that didn't work. It's time for me to channel some Robyn Peay, put fear in its rightful but non adhered to place, develop some new skills so I can assist in the growth of my business...so I can take it, and all of us to the next level. Please, give me/us wisdom. Grant us success in the changing world with the gift we have to share.
I will take today to build an altar for myself. An altar covered in GRATITUDE for the grit and love and transforming example Robyn Peay's business savvy and life living has been to me. It will also stand as a remembrance of the GRACE I am continually given, and the rescue from FEAR while so in the dark. I will lay Donald's book next to Liane Moriarty's and Kamal Ravikant's and Michael Brown's. 4 Real people on my planet. :) I am real. I can be real like them.
4...the number of manifestation :)
I listened (again) to AMILLION MILES IN A THOUSAND YEARS on my drive to Boise last weekend. I am struck by how different it is for me to hear this book read to me over my reading it. Both experiences were poignant...but the gleaning so different. I wrote of this book before...I'd love a chat if you partake. I went to get a copy for a retirement present and laughed as I found it in the Christian book section. Me and God. God and Me. This is a book about the life story each of us is writing... How did God ever brave to let ME speak SOMETHING into the nothing? I am laughing...I will NOT EDIT GOD. So...HERE I AM xxooxxooxx
Delicious I tell you. Even more...the thoughts you will have as you lay the story over your own life...what would it be like if I lost the last 10 years of my life from my memory?
Love hard. Pray for me.