Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Decide what you WANT, Learn to ASK for it.....

We watched the DVD HOW DO YOU KNOW last night. The writers tried too hard on the conversations. BUT...they struck something inside with the psychologist scene where she asks "Do you have any, just like, GENERAL advice that covers ALL problems?" To which the Psychologist replies "Yes, ...Decide WHAT YOU WANT, and LEARN HOW TO ASK FOR IT."

SO...I KNOW what I want. I want my home paid for and retirement secure. I'd really like to be financially in a place where I get to CREATE from the other side....where people bring ME projects asking for funding...and then we build them out. I want to conquer my weight and not feel picked on doing it. I want to spend MANY lazy days this summer relaxing by the pool with favorite friends and family with out money worries. I would like to help the world in a significant way.

OKAY...so now WHO IS IT EXACTLY THAT I AM ASKING??????? Just putting it out there.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Cramming my mind....

Affirming to know if I can just stay aware and focused, I CAN CHANGE. I want to BE Love.

I was so struck by the story of Copernicus and his waiting until his death to reveal his findings about the SUN being the center of the universe because the church was infallible and would have destroyed his work. I love that God reveals truth and makes changes through real live humans. What I don't understand is why we have to work so hard for some of the truths. Then, when the truths are so SOUL changing and contrary to what we have known before...the process of changing our mind to greater light. "Knowing" is so impermanent. I like permanent. On second thought, you know...I really don't.
Some new favorite words. A quick read and I plan to read a few more times at least. I loved the part where he says that the word FRIEND comes from the word FREEDOM...and that when we are with our TRUE FRIENDS we are free to BE who we really are. THANK YOU TRUE FRIENDS.
Sooooooo.....I am Muriel. So many things that Helen had come out of this character's mouth felt soul revealing to me. It started with when Muriel said she just "wanted to keep sitting there and drink in all of their togetherness" in relation to her whole family being home. That is how I feel right now as I pretend that May 4th is NOT coming. Then when she says something like (I don't have the book to get the exact quote from)" so I am suppose to just BITE MY TONGUE? I am suppose to just sit here biting little pieces of myself off so that others can sit in their peace?" And then when she says "mother wants to smooth and smoother me quiet so I won't be different from the others." Then Muriel's stark realization and fear that HER questioning may have caused the very hesitation that took Frank's life. I stay quiet (ok, only sometimes) in wonder at the things I think and wonder WHY I can think and feel so DIFFERENTLY from the herd around me. And then scared that my questions that leak out of me will cause my children to hesitate at the wrong times and be harmed by them.
Connor...you delicious writer you. How will I stay on the planet KNOWING I will never change the world as you have. I guess quietly like before, having known of other greats. Ashamed, yet relieved, to shelve your book and to know no one can MAKE me go to Nepal. Quickly searching for comfort to what my part could be, from HERE, to ease the need and spread love?.
I know I love Sarah's writing because everyone gets taken care of in the end. I am charmed and jealous of the quirky and literally magical ways it happens. I want to be taken care of. Just all of the sudden as I am going along in my real, very real life, magic happens. I am free of needs and wants. I am content in who I am. I rest. I love. I live.
I like quirky. I am always looking for magic. I want there to be REAL magic. I've seen some things like unto it in my life.
I have always loved books that tell me more about heaven. Especially those where I feel washed with that feeling of unconditional love. I miss home, and I can't even really remember it. But these books give me a quick remembrance of it sometimes. The sweet revelation in this book is his PRE LIFE memories that he was allowed to keep as a gift. I am still however waiting for that book that tells me about my MOTHER. And maybe the one where Father is not constantly attended to by a throng of heavenly beings and it is just HIM and me...no mediator....and he likes me...
I am only 2/3 of the way through this. I am surprised that I am loving a SCIENCE book. The writer is amazing and the studies are so interesting. It is relieving to know that they have PROVEN that you CAN change the brain...neoplasticisity. And so far...VOLUNTARY exercise is one of the ways you can do it. I AM doing something right to help myself. So now I am just plowing through to see WHAT and HOW I change it while I am doing all of this voluntary exercise.

Just wanted to say THANK YOU GOD...Heavenly Father and Mother...for all the BLESSINGS I have and ALL the BLESSINGS I am receiving. THANK YOU for people who have come to be with me here and enlighten and comfort my way. I LOVE YOU xx00xx.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Don will NOT forget his 54th Birthday

Friday March 25th, 2011...Don turns 54. He starts the day with a professional massage, has his favorite meal--BREAKFAST at Village Inn...and then ends his day in HIS FAVORITE PLACE--the Mount Timpanogos Temple, with Megan and Spencer receiving their Endowment. Josh came home to be there and Michael too...the only one missing was Sam. (He has to be 19 to enter) This is a BIG deal. Any time we make promises to God it is a BIG DEAL. I cannot help but have a majority of my thoughts consumed with Me and My God and how differently I feel now compared to when I first received my Endowment. I am overwhelmed thinking on how at 48 there is STILL so much I don't understand. I am also amazed at how much does NOT overwhelm youth. What I DO understand is that God is LOVE. He LOVES ME...and he LOVES those who are mine....and YOURS....and YOU!!!!!
Megan has mad self portrait picture taking skills....
Getting ready to get out the door to go...
Josh's idea of the REAL story of trying to get a picture before leaving....

Timpanogos Mascot

Here's our Timberwolf!!! Megan thought is hysterical that he showed up for a JV baseball game and since she teaches at RIVAL Lone Peak had me get her picture with him....we're pretty sure we just got a BRAND NEW Mascot who just couldn't help needing a place to go "BE" :)

Jake is Home...

with his DARLING English accent!!! All the "Brethren" came home to welcome him...we have SO LOVED having him back and in OUR HOME this week! WILD & CRAZY JAKE actually asked me if JOSH had come home a "bit" more reserved...I could barely contain my laugh...JAKE is the one who has come home the MOST "reserved" from before he left. We will see what a couple of weeks will do.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Spencer's UVU Intra mural team takes the Championship !!!!

Spencer , SIR STUDLY....
I love this picture with the girl on the floor because this is the girl who played so dirty and kept getting fouls on the boys when SHE was the one who fouled THEM. Anyway...will post TEAM pic when I get a copy...it was a GREAT season and I will miss not having his games next year...

Spencer 's 19...

Lori Esteban made him this cake...she is a cake specialist and does weddings etc., AND Jordan's MOM...when I asked him what he wanted for his last birthday cake from home in the next 2 years he sheepishly said...Anything chocolate from Lori Esteban. THANK YOU LORI!!! No need to say HOW delicious it was...just LOOK at it!!!
BEST BROTHER LOVE....what the heck are they going to do without each other for TWO YEARS???????????????????????????????????????
This was his ICE CREAM CAKE when we got home from St. George. He had his birthday during Sam's tournament and it took some of the steam out of the festivities so we made it last a few days...
Momma love....what the heck AM I GOING TO DO FOR TWO YEARS...and yes, I am often reminded I have done it twice now...that DOES NOT MAKE IT EASIER OR BETTER PEOPLE!
We didn't have the right candles so 15 +4 equals 19 :)

March 9-13th St. George Tournament

Sam, Tyler and Johnny...just SOME of the BESTIES....
We stayed at Trudi Garfield's condo. Tricia Morin stayed with us as well as London, Brady P., Ryan Mulford, Paul Hatch, Bryson Nichols...and 2 other boys...it was a PARTY. His posse had to come SEE him (and get out of school and catch some SUN :) !! )
Smacking one out for Mom....
Dutiful Josh studying CHEMISTRY the whole time, Mom just LOVING the SUNSHINE!!!
Amazing how much these boys love each other...Band of Brothers St. George Tournament March 9-13th...

Monday, March 21, 2011


It's 8:19...the boys just left for a 4 on 4 game at the Rec. Meg's doing homework. Don is dinking around on his computer. The house is a mess. About 4 loads of laundry to be done. An Addendum for a client to be rewritten. Sheets to be changed, floors to be vacuumed, cars to be gassed, food NOT to eat, calls to be made. But nope. I'm done. The hot tub is 104 degrees. My book is on my night stand. My reading glasses are in my work bag. I'm getting out of these clothes right now. I'm not sure really WHAT life is about. But let me tell you I love me some choice.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Fast catch up.

Jury Duty "try out" again on Monday.
Largest full moon in 20 years but we can't see it for all the snow clouds.
Tsunami and thoughts of all they have gone through really affecting all parts of my mind and soul.
Running outside again instead of circles at the REC CENTER makes my soul soar...ran over 2 miles this morning with NO MEMORY of where I'd been or how I'd gotten there...listening to a great book from AUDIBLE.COM-- "The Biology of Belief" which oddly referenced that kind of an experience where your sub conscious takes over. Much more aware of the last 5miles.
Sam pitches AMAZINGLY in his last 2 games. I am so in love with him and so in like with baseball. And his whole team.
JAKE is home.
Josh came home for the weekend to be here for Jale's homecoming :)
Michael has been here this weekend :)
Megan is almost done with her MBA...turning in her final assignments.
Spencer getting ready for the mission. May 4th feels like its RUNNING at me at full speed.
Everyone wants to know where I've been, why not writing here...feeling a FUNK over the whole 2 year gone thing. NO MISSIONS IN MY WORLD!!!
March Madness has taken over our TV, conversations, our everything. Jimmer Jimmer Jimmer!
My heart weeps for Davies, Davies, Davies.
Trying to calm my nervous real estate heart with no closes for March, but several BIG exciting deals ahead. Working with INCREDIBLE people on GREAT projects.
Dreaming of opening the pool . Dreaming of a body from days past.
Joined Weight watchers. They don't wire your mouth shut. They don't give you a 1200 calorie a day cook. How is it suppose to work?
Reading 5 books at once as usual...but ALL are LOVELY!
Weary of the cold and gray.
Cute shellac toes done at Kim Nails.
Netflix Gosford Park and Daniel Deronda and ANYTHING Masterpeice or BBC. I am a Netflix convert.
St. Patrick's day thoughts of the Francis Moran and all he accomplished in his life, and how it led me to finding Alana.
Sam and friends off to the High School "T" to kiss some girls under the FULL MOON so he can become a TRUE "T-WOLF" even though they can't SEE the full moon.
Hot tub still daily calls my name.

From Barb at her birthday lunch...how can you not love her?

My God is in the next room,

Cooking unseen feasts

And humming.

-Callid Keefe-Perry

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


See them???? I went to feed the chickies this afternoon and there they were. The weather was SO nice...and the black eyed Susans are coming up...and the willow tips are greening....my heart is still racing.