Monday, June 20, 2016

Summer Solstice

Last night (Father's Day) I got on the lake at dusk. I had Grandad Steadwell's big blue shirt on wrapping me up in his love. He showed me a gorgeous feather on the way  that I picked up and brought in to my desk on my return.

 I was off to be on the water...MY MAGIC tell whoever my Heavenly Parents really are, THANK YOU..I had the sunset to my left and the almost full moon rising over the mountains to my right. I wish you could have been there with me to feel it. It was the BIGGEST moon I remember ever seeing. I sat and breathed in the beauty, the wonder, the GIFT of it all. I could FEEL the thousands of others out there LOVING on the same moon, the same sunset...together, ALONE.

4 white ducks circled me 4 times...we were quiet together...I wondered if I am the duck whisperer :) I wondered if I was counting wrong as I noticed them deliberately circling. 4 ducks..4 times circling and then 4 areas pondering for new intentions in the next 4 months. 4 stars out. 4 lights on in the homes surrounding the lake. 4...4...4444444!

I didn't want to come in. I had paddled to the middle and was just sitting. The Lemongrass was working super well, no mosquitoes. No one was expecting me anywhere for anything. The breeze was as if I had scripted it...I actually laughed out loud and asked "Where is the sound track?" Crickets started chirping on cue and a deep frog croak kept beat.  I swear, I wondered...did that really just happen? Were they already chirping and croaking and I just noticed?????

My life IS MAGICAL. I was taught that the sensations I was feeling are the Spirit of God....this electricity at the top of my head that flickers,  the race up the back of my spine, the warm swelling in my chest, overwhelmed  in love.  I was also taught that if I'm not living the commandments that I can't feel it---that it leaves me, it can't come and stay with me. So something is amiss. Either my personal experience has disproved another doctrine or the Gods continually give me an exception. ?Whatever you are, from wherever you come, THANK YOU.  I am living my choices by these feelings and not by what others say.  I know peace.  Peace is when I take my 4 intentions to the lake, sacred  and scared, not believing I am capable, and in petitioning--- am FILLED with Hope and LOVE and KNOWING that indeed.... I AM.

There is some pretty awesome DUCK TOTEM info out there...I was sad it wouldn't copy and is just some bits:  LUCKY DUCK...preparation meets opportunity :) Be in the NOW, be in the moment, this is where all your power exists and is available to you. Go with the FLOW...where the waters take you naturally. Be at peace.
Duck Totem:To see a Duck swimming is your connection with the unconscious and emotional body. They are reminding you that by allowing yourself to be vulnerable emotionally – you are freed to move on with your life. You have the ability to blend and adapt to different situations.

Angel numbers are in fact used as tools of communication from higher powers. All thru scripture...just research the number 40..or 7 or 12....
When you are receiving messages through Angel Number 4, the message likely has something to do with support. Number 4 is thought to symbolize stability in numerology. There are many ways to interpret this message, depending on what is relevant to your life.
It is possible that this message has something to do with building a foundation of sorts. Potentially, your angels are trying to tell you that it is time to focus on creating a solid infrastructure for future ventures.
Perhaps this is a sign that you need to take the time developing your skills or knowledge in the workplace. Angel Number 4 could very possibly be a message for you to take the time to really hone in on the area of your life where you want to reap benefits. By dedicating yourself to this realm, you will be setting yourself up to reach your ultimate goals.
If you are at a crossroads, Angel number 4 might be sending you a signal to follow the longer, more challenging road. Don’t take the easy way out. You will have all of the love and support to be successful in this undertaking.
This might seem daunting initially, but know that it will be worth the effort. Taking the time to do things the right way will give you greater success in the future. If it wasn’t the right path for you, then you spiritual guides would not encourage you to pursue it.
I wish I was brave enough to take my phone with me on the water.... this pic was taken after I drug the Kayak in the house. It was a 7 golf ball night ( I found 7 balls in the reeds as I kayaked the edges)...but as I bent over to pull the kayak up out of the water...3 fell back into the murky water leaving me with 4...yep...I GET IT. I HEAR YOU. I'm grateful. I've GOT THIS   :)

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Father's Day

When I awoke this morning and the sun was starting to shine I was surprised I had slept so long. And GRATEFUL.  The other surprise were the feelings welled up in my throat and out my eyes. Today is Father's Day. Yes, I am grateful for my Father who gave me life,, and I love him. I came here to learn from his LOVE...and the learning has been DEEP.

But today, this Father's Day, I am flooded with gratitude that my children have THEIR Father. That together we poured out our best LOVE and got to experience the ALL of us. Not worrying about appropriateness and others interpretation, I am going to plow ahead and record MY RECORD of my love and gratitude....for me. For my children. And for Don. EPIC LOVE deserves EPIC GRATITUDE.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to each of you for showing up here on the planet for me, for Dad, for US.

 Have I told you lately HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU...US???  WE ARE.....because Dad made a promise to me...and me to him. We ARE because Dad and I choose to LOVE each other for the eternities....and then could not wait to create the LOVE of YOU xxoox!!!!!   WE ARE such a BEAUTIFUL  creation.   I am grateful for all the life that has brought us to TODAY. Especially the parts that didn't feel so magical and look to others broken. (Wabi Sabi).  I love how the "broken" parts are the ones that have let  their/our  light IN. I don't believe in failure. I believe in growth and transitioning. THANK YOU DON J HARRIS. Because of your love, I am more authentically ME. Because of OUR Love and promises we have our family to share the journey of  forever.  I marvel in awe at each of our new loves and ways of LOVING. I stand incredulous in our light and knowings. THANK YOU  Don for all the love and caring and kindness and unkindnesses--- both directions. Thank you for choosing to live the REAL and the LOVE of US. Thank you for showing me other ways  a parent can Father. . Just THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE the ALL of  US.

With a disdaining smirk I thumb the IRONY of my absolute abhorrence of the Mormon Church's doctrine of Polygamy... (Yea, let's not go there)...Yet, never with a more open or FULL heart, do I JOY in welcoming Marjorie into our family circle. Paradox. Truly, paradox  IS this life's lesson.  The relief and gratitude...literally JOY,  I feel at Don's HAPPINESS in finding her! And then the JOY of Casey and Holly joining us as well...Happy tears xxooxxooxx   And...the anticipation of Father's Day's YET TO COME!!!! And the GOOD  Fathering that will happen as a duplication of  Don J. Harris' example and goodness.  HIS IS OUR LIFE!!! WE CHOOSE THE HAPPY!!! WE CHOOSE THE LOVE!!!

I LOVE the principle of FATHERHOOD.


Friday, June 17, 2016

6 6 16 and 6 16 16

We signed for the sell of the B's home on 6 6 16. Then...yesterday they signed to buy their new one on 6 16 16...,Not so sure I like 6" is unbelievable the number of things that went sideways...all corrected...but sideways non the less. Numbers, they MEAN things.

I just couldn''t get dressed for Strawberry Days Rodeo till I wrote down some MAGIC from today...the drive along highway 89 up into Harrison BLVD all the way up to Ogden Canyon...the 2 little boys..8 and 6 ish fishing on the pond. Soft serve ice cream at Chick Fillet. The blackbirds protecting their nest on my run. Pretending my water was coffee. Becky calling to check in. Waking up to the smell of my sheets. LOVING that I had no idea who I would meet today...and who new I might end up loving. Review from Rikki on Air B and B. Audio books. Remembering...I LOVE what I choose :)

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Memorial Day 2016

 I LOVE when the flowers are much LOVE remembered.
 Funny what came up as I layed here under the most perfect BLUE sky. Weeding. Wheat grits. Bam Bam Specials (whole wheat pancakes that only the dog would eat SOMETIMES). Begging to go to Hawthorne to the Library. Batches of baby animals, all knowing she would tend to them or get them to the pound. Dying her hair. Not getting her hair wet in the pool. She loved Daises best of all. She loved cat tails...and I was surrounded by them on my Kayak trip earlier in the day. Hanging laundry. Tending. Strawberry Short cake for my birthday. Picking Blueberries. Gathering Pecans. Melrose Bay. Nana. Robinson's grocery. Trips to the dump. Nursing the boys in the car on the way home from church. Datsun B210 with hole in the floor. Cheese slicer from my hope chest. Explaining the Olympics. Shaving legs conversation. And ALOT of other stuff....
 G-mom hid peanut butter cookies from Grandad just for her and me. She would make "dippy" eggs so I could dip my toast in the soft yoke. I got to go find the chicken egg and wait to see if it was a double yoker----almost always was---MAGIC CHICKEN. Gave me a tiny diamond ring when I was 4 and I lost it in the dirt while making mud pies. Carrots and turnips. Knitting. Teaching me to knit. Sleeping out in the trailer by the back shed in the winters. Teaching me silly songs.."Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap...Oh I wish I was a little bar of soap...I would slippy and a slidey over everybody's hiney oh I wish I was a little bar of soap.".  Alone... soooo far away in Canada. McIntosh Caramel. Talking with Mom in the car about life and man choices. Collapsing at Mums grave. Watching her, and GrandDad as she left this world.
Eating his Rolaids like candy. HAPPY JUICE (coffee flavored cream and sugar) Smoker. BBQing. HUGE GARDEN. Eating his cherry tomatoes. Nap time on the cot in his room. Snorring. The Royal Family. Cussing with gusto. Jokes. much I have adopted...WHO KNEW? War stories and atrocities. The FARM. Ray. Mowing the acres. onions. Eggs and Bacon every morning. Pork Chops. Smell of his garage. Fly strips. Car collection (just realized I probably got my car attachment from him!!!! Don't think he ever sold off one of his vehicles...he just kept them...even after they didn't work!!! Whoa!  "I love you Sissy" said to my Momma. The way he would hug her. They way he always asked "Are you alright?" And then he'd look deep in her eyes. Learning that he pair skated with my Mom. Meeting his family in Thunder Bay in my 40's. Genealogy on my Scottish side. His humor. Wiffle birds. Heart Monitor. Morning Paper at the table with his coffee. Stock checks. Shooting skunks. Wild Turkeys. Politics. Prejudice. WHERE IS GOD?  "right now, this minute, YOU are my favorite girl". Weirdo dream about the attic. War medals. Sunday night dances at the legion.
 Sometimes, some DAYS are just more significant. I woke and ran the canyon with my besties. Then, for YEARS I have had this magazine cut out of a project I wanted to do with the kids....a fish pond in a barrel...and today was the day. I LOVE HOME was one stop get it all. Meg and I had more fun than the boys. We can hardly wait till Wednesday when it will be ready for the fish. My heart beats fast as I see Megan love creating her own MAGIC garden space of her own. I LOVE my life.
After the garden magic, Josh and Christine and I took the kayaks out in MY :) lake till it ends at the 11th hole,, got out, drug them, over the golf green into the rest of the lake....into a windy 2 mile path that opens into Utah Lake. I kept erupting with happiness. I wanted the world to come share the beauty of it all...but not all at once. I loved that we didn't pass a soul till we got  into Utah lake. I was surrounded by cat tails...,one of my moms favorites.
Some of the most interesting health benefits of cattail include its ability to reduce pain, speed wound healing, prevent infections, slow bleeding, and prevent cancer.
 The way back was interesting...between going against the wind and the shallow water it took twice as long to get back and I even got out and just walked it a good ways. But I felt the HAPPY of just being in the world...of being IN the water...of wind and sun and sand and birds and carp and my Joshy and my really being alone but not alone. I felt everything I had ever loved about any life that I have lived come to my chest and vibrate there.
I was so grateful to be born So grateful to my Mother...eager to take flowers to her grave. So grateful to everyone ahead of me who made the way so I could come. They knew the way here would be easy...but the way back would be windy and alone and some parts I would just have to stand up and drag my butt to the next smooth , deeper spot.
I layed in Springville Cemetery with the days end sun on my freshly showered skin and freshly washed hair. GrandDad liked it when my hair was WILD and bushy. "look like a true Scot". I knew mom would like my body wash and smiled. Thought of her Estee Lauder Youth Dew perfume ,opening the bottle in front of her mirror and smelling deep. Wondered on the medicinal quality of cat tails since they have shown up in a 3 sequence. Cried. Cried some more. Just missed her. Missed them. I feel like I need my people. Bless us. I need them more than ever NOW. Big transformations under way here.  Wondered what it would have been like to have had a mother--to have had HER in my  30s and 40's and...50's. WHAT /WHOin the Universe decides that I will do it without one?  Even as I write this I know she /they have been here.
I remembered her bringing the babies home and how much love that brought to me.  How my whole life I have loved a baby....and so did she.
How I am HER BABY.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Yellow headed black birds and Gator ORANGE HAPPY

These guys are all over the pond. There is one in particular who sits on my ridge and fusses at me.


One variety has a yellow head and throat which stands out strongly agains the black plumage. Yellow and black has long been associates with the Archangel Auriel. Auriel is considered the tallest of the angels with eyes that can see across eternity. This being oversees all of nature and all of the nature spirits. Auriel has traditonally been associated with the summer.

They nest in swamps, marshes and low brush - usually just a few feet from water. Again this reflects a tie to water, an ancient symbol for the feminine force and for Nature. They often use cattails as perches. A study of the herbal qualities and characteristics of cattail will provide further insight.

Blackbirds are known for fiercely staking out their own territory and they will often drive off any other of their kind in their vicinity. Because of this, the sight of two blackbirds sitting together is often considered a good omen. In Europe, blackbirds came to be associated with St.Kevin, and one story tells of how they nested in his hand. Again because of this association to have blackbirds nesting in your environment is usually a beneficial sign. St.Kevin was knows as a person of tremendous gentleness and love.

If the blackbird has come into your life as a totem, you will open to new surprises and to a new understanding of the forces of Nature as they begin to migrate into your life.

I am the HAPPY HAPPY Owner of 2 of these sweet kayaks. If you just want a Happy GET OUT of the world and GET IN the moment...come on over and we will get in the lake. Did I ever tell you how much I LOVE WATER????

Wednesday, April 27, 2016


Even I don't get my weirdness in my attachment to this vehicle. She is a 2003 and I've had her since 2005. That's a LOT of getting places LOVE.    I    L  O  V  E  this car. Poor Michael...he was driving us to REI...we are in the parking lot going to park and this pretty, young, I think texting (she was looking down as she plowed into us) girl made this boo boo. It so ruined her day...and it didn't make mine great, but I really loved being 53 and KNOWINGS. I wanted to give her my peaceful heart and reassure her that this is just an inconvenience. Maybe we were suppose to meet?
I have been thinking for so long now over whether I should move on and get a new car since she has 248k on her??? Man, I just depend on her consistency and dependability. I love no car payment. I am praying for my car. Yes I am. Calling all angel mechanics to heal her quick and keep her with me.