Saturday, December 20, 2014


Spencer has been in Vegas with Zach and Sefa for the games.

 Laura's sister and her baby came from Texas xxooxx
 Megan's Christmas tree with her little Nike shoes hanging...
 Great shot of Uncle Ron perfoming at the EDGE Brewery.
 Kylie and her teaching team dressed as Ciny Lou WHO....
 Da Brotha doing what he does best....breathing it all it all OUT.

Love from SAM xxooxxooxx 20 Dec 2014

Hey family! this was a crazy week. actually it was a really emotional one, but overall is was great!

We worked on transfers for most of the day- all day for sunday and monday, it's been a great experience both times. On Sunday we found out that Elder Higham would be going to Birmingham City Center for his new area, called Harborne, and that my new companion would be Elder Lu. Elder Lu is great! he's from Provo, he went to Timpview. Both of his parents are Chinese so he speaks it perfectly. unfortunately, there are no chinese students or chinese people at all in our area, but it's still cool.  I've really been impressed with him so far. 

On Tuesday we gathered all of the departing missionaries from the train station and had our last night with them. definitely my best friends in the mission, elders and sisters, were in this group departing, which made for a really bittersweet moment. One of the sad things is as much as we like to think we'll hang out after the mission, with missionaries from all over the world, and going to different universities, etc. It will be so hard for us to stay close! Taking them to the airport was especially hard and seeing them leave, but all of these changes will be for the better. 

Transfers week is always a bit hectic with our sleep schedule. Monday to Tuesday we got 2 hours of sleep, and we got about an hour and a half from Tuesday to Wednesday. I didn't mind because we were so busy the whole time dealing with the new missionaries incoming Wednesday morning, but we had a fun surpriseon Wednesday night. We had assigned for 3 sister missionaries to drive to Wales, 3 hours away, to get to their new areas. President decided that because one of them had never driven in the U.K, he didn't want her first experience to be on the free-way, the other sister didn't have her license, and the third has just gotten off of 21 hours of flying from Provo without any sleep, so Elder Lu and I got to drive to Wales on Wednesday evening. Every 45 minutes or so we made a trip to a gas station to fuel up on snacks and drinks to keep us awake and going. In the end there was no real problems drowsy driving or anything, and it was actually way fun! let's just say I had no problem falling asleep that night, or any of the nights proceeding. 

Thursday we got exciting news about a member referral named Simon. So a recent convert named Brett who's been baptized since June brought a friend to churh, and now were teaching him! He is a really great guy with a lot of real-intent. He loves the Book of Mormon and church, so that makes for a great opportunity for us.  We'll keep you posted with how he is doing.  

For P-day today, we are going to buy loads and loads of chinese food. Elder Lu is basically a chef. I have been SHOCKED by the quality of food he has made for us already in just a few days. He's also on a very strict diet, that he's asked me if I'll do to help him, I was already doing one anyways so it will work out really well.  

So... for Christmas, I will call you sometime between 10-11 a.m. your time! I hope that is ok. Please let me know if that's not ok. if anything changes, I'll let you know immediately. we will be skyping at a part-member family house. THey are great and were more than happy to let us use their computers!  

Well, the church is true. It still will be for the next 2 transfers but I'll probably keep reminding you all :) Especially in this amazing season, I am grateful for Jesus Christ. For his example, for his love, for his atonement, and for him reaching out in love to us, his brothers and sisters, and restoring the truth to the earth today. Have a great week!! 


Elder Harris. 

P.S. I have received all of the Christmas packages, thank you so much! I'm waiting until Christmas to open them :) 

Friday, December 19, 2014

Pretty Much

 “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” 
― Elizabeth Stone
Some days I just MISS YOU!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

What a great week! Dec 15th thru the 19th, 2014

Michael loving his LIFE!!! Way to live LOVE!

Making all of us smile and dance xxooxxooxxTanner and Kelsey

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Just the PERFECT lead in to my next two posts xxooxx

or have a second cup of coffee...or a bacon cheesburger with fries and fry sauce...

Breathing Circle Mediation on 12 / 13 / 14 xxooxx

Genesis 2:7 King James Bible
And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

 I went to look for a picture to grab hold of some of the feelings I had last night at the Breathing Circle...and couldn't pick just one. I really really hope for YOU  to join me in this experience at some point.
 It is a guided meditation where you join with others laying on yoga mats on the floor with your heads all pointed towards the altar. Don't let that altar word scare you. It has many meanings..but yes...a dedicated space for God to come to bring enlightenment.  On the altar are items you have brought that symbolize your desire to cleanse or bring a certain clarifying intention to.
You bring or choose crystals or rocks that you hold or place near you or on you to aid in grounding you through the mediation. You come with a specific intention of issues or items you want to release ( breathe OUT) and then those you want to attract or magnify (breathe IN). Higher version of self please rise, lower version of self please exit.
 You are taught breathing techniques all through the mouth that you use as you meditate. The meditation is done to music and drums and some other super cool stuff that heightens the experience. At the end is a sort of short testimony experience for those who wish to share. The experiences are all over the place...SO VARIED. My experience was sacred and I choose not to share.

I was led to this experience by my teaching the aroma touch technique in Do Terra. I teach about the sympathetic and Parasympathetic body systems.

Systems that just work involuntarily without our even noticing. And then those that we have a conscious affect over. BREATHING. I became enthralled that our very body is a witness to us of our goal of BALANCE. What happens when we breathe too much? When we stop?

I love that our bodies do not lie. We can LOOK at ourselves and each other and see witness of our imbalance/pain. We can FEEL ourselves in imbalance and pain.

Our breathe is IN/OUT...TAKE/GIVE...anytime we get out of balance with our giving and taking whether it be BREATH or LOVE or CRITICISM, shows up in us PHYSICALLY. We can look at our bodies and SEE if we are GIVING or TAKING too much. Remarkable right?Everything is a pattern for our journey here. Important note: it doesn't mean that balanced LOOKING bodies are in shows up in our sicknesses, fat skinny or balanced looking.

I could be embarrassed that I have taken too much food...OR I can SEE it and adjust my BEING. I am interested at my heart thought-- that to bring my body back into balance, I must give back what I took too much of...literally reducing my intake...allowing my body to GIVE back what I took too much of... till I am in balance again...and then proceed to hold my body in BALANCE by eating only what it needs.  I get mystified at how easy that is for some.

It's never just a ONE area of imbalance kind of a thing. All these systems in our bodies represent  and hold different emotions for us.

 I came here to figure/SEE/love it out. Figure/SEE/love out balancing this simple/complicated, beautiful/ugly, spirit/body experience.

I trust that my opening to so much SEEING so late in my earth years is just perfect. This breathing thing. WOW. Just WOW.  So now you can SEE why I was so drawn to this meditation experience. It did not disappoint. I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!
Jim offered to come and share this  breathing meditation with a personal group of my choosing. I INVITE any and all of you to


 and join me. I would LOVE to have this the last week of December as each of us set new intentions for 2015. It's $25 a head and will happen at my home--OR somewhere in the Utah County area if we get too large. OH...LETS GET TOO LARGE! You know how I love a group consciousness xxooxx  Below is Jim's blurb on the experience from his site.

Using the Breath to Heal 
Emerge into LIFE!!
Breathing – something we do, often with no intention.The Breath Work – the act of creating healing through intention and action...and air!
Do you know the power of your breath? To heal, to cleanse, to energize...
Through this breath work, we oxygenate the blood, we open up the ductless glands in the physical body, and at an energetic level, we create the space to allow healing to occur on multiple levels. Vibration of your energetic and your physical body – through one of the most plentiful and legal substances available on the planet – air!
This LifeShop will consist of a quick opening breath after a brief overview, a discussion about what you’re creating in life, and a second deep integration breath to take your healing to the next level.
You will leave energized, inspired, and may even discover a level of is amazing! Experience this, for you, for your loved ones, for your smile!
Wear comfortable clothes, bring your yoga mat, a smile for yourself and to share, and your life.


HERE I AM. Whole hearted. Daring Greatly. Here I am. Half hearted. Scared Shitless. Here I am.

And so much more-- all wrapped up inside this stranger body. Some mornings as I look in the mirror there is disbelief. When did the wrinkles and dark circles and cellulite get this prominent? When did I become 51?  BAM.. it happened just last night -- when I showed up to a singles UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER PARTY with friends. I didn't go in. They did. I happily drove home to my delicious bed.  I watched as 30 to 40 year olds streamed in the door of the party. I loved myself. I know I was blatantly insecure. There was peer pressure...go figure :)  I knew I had no desire to spend any minutes or hours with 30 to 40 year olds looking for mates.

I am still looking at ME. It can be harsh. Unless its not. I think I want you to put PARADOX on my headstone and no name. I'm serious about this. (paradox definition. A statement that seems contradictory or absurd but is actually valid or true.) My life marker will stand next to the scriptures of all religions and world events and great works of literature, and ALL OF LIFE-- as yet another reminder of the hard reality of Paradox. Not hard as in difficult to understand, but HARD as in firm and FIXED.  Although...I must leave PLENTY of room for the "difficult to wrap your brain around" aspect (example: sometimes we must be cruel in order to be kind).  I missed it in Mormonism. I failed to deeply assimilate the definition in my English classes. Had brief flits through my brain.  I  don't remember hearing anyone openly speak about the disparities in the TRUTHS they were taught and seeking to live.  I MISSED this BIG OLE HAIRY CHUNK of ALLOWING for most of my adult life. Paradox, How awesome that I didn't miss it NOW.

It was right there in black and white. Hey ...HUMONGO COMMANDMENT: DO NOT KILL. Then...Nephi: go take off Laban's head for a set of records I could recreate with the blink of my heavenly eye. Wait, would GOD DO THAT? Joshua--march around the city 7 times...kill every man woman and child proving your obedience instead of me just swallowing them up in the earth or moving them to another sphere.  Wait, DID GOD DO THAT? Someone thought HE did...they wrote it down according to their knowing.

Here I am. I am just writing according to what I think I know. And knowing is SO SUBJECT TO CHANGE :) I don't know what God did or didn't do. Those examples don't make sense to me. Except for the parts of them that do. :)

I know what I have done. And I am still in the DOING. You are apart of me and therefore part of my doing.  I get that from standing to the side of me looking in--you might be confused. I get you want me and hope for me to act as MAGIC MOTHER-- whose love could wield and transform all things. I believe I am MAGIC MOTHER with exactly those powers. I'm just a newbie at it. Unless I'm not? new or old...I'm definitely HERE practicing/experiencing. Begging GRACE from you...and for you, as we walk the path.

 Here I am. I am learning paradox. I am learning that in transforming, there are things that must MOVE to put different things in that space. And then there are times when they don't have to MOVE. I want you to know and remember I spent alot of years and counseling attempting to transform by NOT moving. Believing with my whole heart that it was wrong to move. Until I didn't. My movements  may not FEEL loving...or even LOOK loving...but I moved in love.  I am bumbling my way into a new space. Unless I'm not.  I get that there are aspects you want NEVER to change. Me too.  Change is a law of the universe. Look at grew LEFT me...I HATE IT...but, I LOVE IT. Damn paradox. Blessed paradox. How could I have missed out on loving you as adults with your OWN maturing ideas and life acts that INSPIRE ME? How could I leave behind reading chapter books to bed and  Wacky Wednesdays at Salem Pond and snuggle loves?

I'm just doing the best I can. Unless I'm not. I believe I am.  The best I know. DID GOD OR DOES GOD EVER SAY THAT? I am just doing the best I can?

I get that my comparing myself to GOD in this moment is absolutely blasphemous to so many I love.
Paradox: Those same beloved believers beg me to BE LIKE can I be like him if I don't ask the questions with ME as the target of change to get there?

Maybe someone will see my PARADOX  headstone and be quickened in the knowing, hastened in the acceptance, speeded to the allowing. I don't want to wait for my headstone for YOU my lovies to give it pause. Like....right now. Could you think on some Paradox? In your selves? In me? In your faith, in your world?

I'm asking that you love me in my imperfection, and step left of church culture, making space that my imperfections are my perfect path to perfection? That what seems contradictory or absurd, is valid. Possibly true.

Hey...Heavens! Take good notes on me these days. I FEEL you angels tending. Wherever I am going, I don't want to forget HERE. Unless I do. :)

HERE is this glorious Sunday morning watching the light enter my office and the tree reflection start to be visible on my pond. HERE is me with only possibilities dancing around with my soul. Here is MAGIC MOTHER creating love and healing and eternal bonding with ALL she has come to share her space with. Here is MAGIC MOTHER purposefully disconnecting from some she shares her space with. Here is open to all in the world that calls to me.  Here is alone in my bed that I don't want to be alone in. Here is in a body at a weight that doesn't feel like ME. Here is deep gratitude for a body that has felt the pains and joys of existence...and created 5 temples for souls to expand...Temples of my greatest learning and expanding.  Here is the hurt I made space for in my beloveds, as well as the JOY in me... by choosing me and my heart over their religion.  Here is the reality of all my weaknesses standing alone with no partner to balance in strength. Here is me strong standing alone transforming and embracing the real of me.  Here is HAPPINESS and JOY.

Here is LOVE. Here is PARADOX.