Tuesday, January 28, 2014


How do I do this so SHE shows up??? right click on the picture and select open in new tab to get the full picture.

SAM's current companion

If you want to see Sam's current companion his name is JOSH EUNICE (sp?) and if you go to YOU  TUBE and put in ENSOUL CREW he is the one in red sneakers dancing on the stairs...second guy to dance. He's 24. Has his own clothing line business and Sam loves his guts.
I tried to post here...but uh...yeah...I'm still me...GETTING MORE AND MORE TECHY EVERY DAY :)


Of course it would be on the 27th!!!! Just putting this here as a MARKER PAGE and reminder of the MIRACLES that happened in my life today...SAM....BECKY BOWLES from England....and a new market product called NANO TUBING.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Love from the Bammer 27 jan 2014

hello family and friends!
The work is still great! I do not have a lot of time this week so please forgive me for not writing loads.  I missed you guys this week. a lot! every night I had a dream that had Spencer in it, and most of them with the rest of the fam as well! I loved it! We are working with the most incredible people of my whole mission! have I mentioned my love for chinese people? if I haven't let me just re-emphasize how incredible they are. on thursday we taught cathy, zed, louis, and long at the uni and had a great lesson for the word of wisdom, all of them committed to living it, and Louis and long haven't smoked since thursdayOn friday we ran into long on the street and he said, "Elders! tonight we all cook for you!!" so we had a sweet feast with them at Louis' and Long's house.  amazing food. It was so fun to watch them eat with chopsticks and enjoy the chinese culture. AMAZING food! better than P.F. changs, and the way you eat it is so fun! you don't have a plate, you just have a little bowl of rice, but you just take the food with chopsticks, and then put it in your mouth, so the rice is basically just for if you eat something too spicy.  We will definitely be adapting some of their culture when I come home. We had a great time on friday, and then after we were done, Cathy and zed invited us over to their house saturday night for another chinese feast, and then we taught them after. They brought 2 of their non-member friends. So... from finding cathy and zed at city center, we are now teaching cathy, zed, tina, frank, louis and long as a result! they are amazing missionaries and their faith is so good! They all came to church and loved  it again.  
Some really bad news.. Coventry's baptismal font is not functional until March 1. we had a baptism on saturdayand 4 on the 8th that all have to get moved back, unless we travel to the nearest chapel which is 30 minutes away. so we will see what we decide to do. we had 8 investigators at church again, and would have had more if it wasn't for the terrible weather. we have 4 investigators that either cycle or walk. and yesterday  morning was a crazy storm so they didn't come which was sad but understandable. I definitely would not have came if I wasn't a missionary because of the storm. but cycling in the rain can sometimes be fun :)
on Friday we are going to the chinese new year party that the university is throwing, and our chinese investigators have agreed to introduce us to all of their friends! so it is going to be an amazing oppurtunity to find even more people to find! I sincerely don't want to leave Coventry my whole mission, but we will see what happens.  In Coventry ward we had 21 investigators at sacrament meeting, and we found out that our ward is now leading the mission! which was really exiting for all of us.  Miracles are happening like crazy! 
Is everyone rooting for the seahawks?? I predict this will be one of the best superbowls of all time, so ENJOY IT. enjoy it for me, I will be missing you guys like crazy on sunday morning. probably the same as I did on Christmas! but ti's all good, because we've got every other superbowl of the rest of our lives together! Hows megs and lau and ky doing? So good to hear that you are all happy and progressing.  
Something pretty neat I've been studying in the book of mornon.. it's basically a book that tells us that when we are obedient we receive blessings, prospering, and happiness, and when we are not obedient we don't have the promise, and it's so true! I love this gospel, I love the chinese, I love our savior, I love you guys so much, and I appreciate your prayers. have an incredibile week! nothing is too hard for the lord! 
Elder Samuel Harris.  

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Sunday 26th of January

 YES! this IS Madeline :)
 Spencer making me cry with his facebook pic posts.
 Let's just say we are ALL MISSING YOU!!!!
But this one tears me up the most....what a sweet sweet sweet life we have had. I am grateful for all that has come to us and for ALL THAT IS TO COME!!!! xxxoooxxx

You can see from my posts that I've had a lovely week. And today may be my most favorite yet and its only 7:28 am :) I awoke from this crazy awesome dream and just wanted so badly to GO BACK and be with those people and keep discussing what we were discussing. I texted Sara and Kim to tell them I was ditching our run. I snugged back into my YUMMY WARM bed, smelling the just right scent of the newly clean sheets, (IF ever I'm truly rich, I'm gonna have a maid who puts clean sheets on the bed every day:), stretched  and snugged and snugged into my pillow some more in the luxury of NOT HAVING TO BE ANYWHERE. Lionel Ritchie's EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING was playing in my head. Craig Morgan's THATS WHAT I LOVE ABOUT SUNDAY started playing in my mind too...but then I realized there were parts I didn't choose and shut it off :)  I couldn't quit smiling because THIS, THIS was my dream of a Sunday morning...I felt so content. I closed my eyes and called my dream friends back...and they CAME!!!! I have had some pretty great dreams that I have awoken from and never been able to call them back to me after awakening. Whoa. It CAN happen! For a bit I thought about laying in bed all day...but then I thought of all of you and wanted to come "BE" with you more...SO HAPPY SUNDAY LOVIES. I wish I could pile you ALL in my bed and we could spend the day there together catching up.

I know Josh and Michael went to the movies together and worked. THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. I want details boys...I know Michael is considering Alaska again. Josh is NOT :) Dad is in a lot of places in South America. Megan got her bedding and new TV hutch and is feeling very ADULT. She is selling more and more houses on the side. Last night Spencer came to hot tub with Kasey and Tanner P and Johnny P came over. I am so SAD I did not think to get their pics. Tanner has a full beard. Johnny P has manly scruff that makes his already ridiculously handsome self look even more attractive.  I was already in bed reading my new Sarah Addison Allen book and in my jammies so I didn't go out and hang.

Christmas is STILL up. Probably NOT going to take it down today. :) Really loving the idea of just getting back in that bed and finishing my book and watching super soul sunday and ??? NOT ANOTHER THING :)

This is no secret. I LOVE me some GOOD food. I've had my share of GOOD FOOD for the past 6 months. Now it is time to recapture the body the REAL Natalie enjoys living in. NOW IS THE TIME. So TODAY is the day. I'll make up my lost run later today. I'll enjoy my green smoothie. I LOVE my body. I feel so blessed for all the joy and pleasure it has given me. I still MARVEL that it produced YOU!!! I marvel that it happened and I have no idea or understanding of the complex magic that took place to have that occur. But it did. AND IT BROUGHT ME MY MOST FAVORITEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET!!!

I am LOVING the incredible people Do TERRA brings into my life. I got to have 3 new Florida builders and 2 new Texas builders in our home this past week...I was MEANT to do this business JUST for the people! So much GOODNESS on this earth.

YOU ARE GOODNESS on this earth. I am so proud of you. LOVE HARD, PLAY HARD, MISS ME HARD. Unless of course you decide to just come home :)   :)   :) ALWAYS AN OPTION---just sayin' :)

Your momma loves you!

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Brave Video by Sarajean Fryer

Sara put this together...I think its exceptional. I loved this song before...but she really hits your heart,.

Updates for Sam

 Tessa Norman on American Idol!!!!
Do Brotha skiing in Seattle with co worker.
It just occurred to me that no one has told us about the baseball auction! Will make a call today!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Earth Wind And Fire, September

Sam....we danced together this morning on my run :) Its 17 degrees with a clear star filled sky and a sliver moon.  We were A M A Z I N G !!!! Your moves were awesome. The hug at the end was the best. I love you! I ALWAYS think of you when I hear this song!!First thing on the agenda when you get home is dancing in the kitchen!!!! If you want...take  a groove right there in the library...I bet you could start a flash mob :)

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Gregg Braden

 Ok...so he looks like an eighties throw back...but DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER...
Childrens...this is one I SOOOO want you to read....PLEASE?????

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

A little Danielle LaPorte-- drench our heart in truth-filled lollipops to start our days thinking.

You will be called on to expand. And this is why we practice. I travelled to Dharamshala, India with six friends to meet with The Dalai Lama. It was cell-altering and heart-expanding. (The story is here: http://bit.ly/1igxZPN.) The week before our arrival, there had been a horrible event in which some monks were murdered — most shockingly, by other monks. The story was on everyone’s mind and in our small, private meeting with His Holiness, the first thing we did was offer our condolences. His response captivated me. “Ah, yes, thank you for your thoughts,” he said. “This is why we practice, for times like these when compassion is so necessary.” He didn’t nod in mutual disdain. He didn’t show any drama. He was soft and … practical. This is why we practice. For times like these. You don’t need to forgive until you need to forgive. You don’t need nerves of steel until you need nerves of steel. You don’t need to call on your reserves of compassion, or fortitude, or faith until you’ve used up everything else. This is why we practice. This is why, even when life is ambling along nicely and there’s food in our spiritual cupboard, we still make sure that we get to yoga, or the reading group, or Sunday services. When we’re healthy and happy we make sure to dance, we hit the court, we pick up the phone to check in, we drop by with something in hand. When we’re believing in the fairness and the glory of human nature and the so-called Fates, we keep seeking, and meditating on reality, and praying for healing even though nothing obvious ails us. We keep up with our spiritual practice. We keep standing up to make our art even when we could be predictable pedestrians. Because the day will most certainly come, as it does whether you are a whole-hearted Lover or in denial of Grace, that you will be struck down or ground down by life. It can come in tiny tearing heartbreaks five times a day, just walking through your neighbourhood. It could come in the name of tragedy that could only happen once in a lifetime. And you will need to withdraw the insights that you put into your heart’s escrow. And you will need to call on your people — the unseen and the ones right in front of you — to help you meet the day. You will be interrupted. You will be called on to expand. (Click to tweet:http://bit.ly/1f6bQi9) You will be asked who you are and why you are here. This is why we practice. I'm taking a mini sabbatical. For yoga, idea-shuffling, conversations with no agenda. Ahhh. Hence the Reprise* series of my favourite posts. This article lives in The Loving Love Collection (http://bit.ly/1f6c9tc). Please head there for more curated love & insight. xo

 It is truly amazing how in sync I feel with this gal (Danielle LaPorte) and her "ridiculously soul-filled...drench my heart in truth-filled lollipops" writing! 

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

James Arthur - Certain Things FULL [NEW SONG 2013}

Go here. This is James Arthur. I heard him for the first time today. His sound seeps in easy...his words are a cradle I want to rock you in...I ADORE YOU!!!! They made me cry as you were my connection. My heart fell out...second time today. The good thing about it falling out is that I get to see it, right?  This MOMMA LOVES YOU!!!

Monday, January 20, 2014

20 January 2014 from Sammer

I feel like every week gets better and better!
Everything is going incredibly well with our investigators. We found out Cathy and Zed are living together, which was a really big bummer, and I was talking to zed about how they would have to move out if Zed wanted to baptize cathy, and yesterday at church zed told us that they are moving out on thursday!! How amazing is their faith? We are so blessed to have been able to find them street contacting. Zed's best friend Luis is looking really good for the 1st of February, and was at church again. Luis' invited his best friend Long to hear the lessons, and now he is on a date for the 1st of Ferbruary, and he loved church yesterday as well!!
On Thursday we taught a really sweet Nigerian kid named Chijoki for the first time, and he is pretty solid! he is now on a baptismal date as well and is loving the gospel.  Elder Unice and I were  teaching 7 chinese people at one time this week at the university. every time people walked by they thought it was so strange to see 7 chinese and 2 americans talking about god, but it was so amazing to see that we were making a difference in bringing the work forward.  I feel like part of the reason we are having so much success with chinese students, is so that after they accept the gospel, they can bring it to china and the china missions can open, and then the nation will absolutely explode with the gospel!! Something really sad happened later on Thursday as we were teaching 2 of our chinese investigators Nora and Sheri, as we asked about how they were feeling for their baptismal dates, they let us know that their parents in china said that they can't be baptized.  We have been fasting and praying that their parents will soften their hearts so that they can enter the waters of baptism, and I would love to invite you to also pray for them. they are probably my favorite current investigators, and they are so elect! they LOVED church yesterday. Nora was smiling the entire time. 
On Saturday we taught 2 new chinese girls named maggy and Amy, who are on a baptismal date now as well for the 15th of February! Maggy is solid as a rock and I am 100% sure that she will be baptized! she understands the atonement perfectly and is so exited to use it! We also received a media referral on saturday from the church head quarters (Hardly ever happens in England) and met a really sweet chinese student named Da Hua who is elect! he came to church as well!
Gifty and Roselyn didn't come to church again this week which was so frustrating, but so many of our other investigators did so it was a very bittersweet day! If it wasn't for the stress of getting investigators to church, missions would literally be stress-free! 
As of right now, Elder  Unice and I currently have 12 on a baptismal date! Which I never in a million years thought would happen on my mission, but when we forget about ourselves and go to work, the lord will assist in performing many miracles! Alma 26:12.. It's amazing how much smoother things run, when we are laboring for, and expecting miracles every day. 
Please keep Gifty, Rosalyn, Michael, Luis, Long, Chijoki, Cathy, Nora, Sheri, Da Hua, Maggy, and Amy in your prayers! (9 of them chinese, 3 african) When I opened my mission call to England, I never expected this.. but I would NEVER ask for anything different. I love Coventry, I love this work. There is honestly nothing like hitting the pavement hard all day and going to bed knowing that we gave it our all that day. I never want to come home! I miss you all like crazy, don't get me wrong, but this work is so addicting, satisfying, and incredible.  I love you all to the moon and back. Randomly throughout the week I will think of random memories I have with each member of our family, and I am truly best to have been born into such an incredbile family, I will forever be grateful the sacrifices and the love that y'all have shown me and continue to show me as you support me serving the lord's mission in England.  take care!
Elder Samuel Joseph Harris

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Jan 19 2014 Sunday

 Megs and crew at Midway Ice Castle event

Hello LOVES!!!
Another week. TIME is a subject that has been circling my brain. TIME and MONEY...I always want more of both...of course with the utmost desire for the betterment of me and mankind :)  ok, truth: mostly for fun and  frivolity--FUN AND FRIVOLITY WITH YOU xxooxx

I LOVE YOU! I am REALLY doing some adjusting with all of you out of the house. Sometimes when I come home to it empty mid day I can hear the walls whining and crying for you to COME BACK. Your energy is so absent it body slams me. Thursday I came in and before I hit the kitchen I had the image of the tree trunk in THE GIVING TREE...yep...I got teary... my heart was pounding out COME CHILDREN...SIT...COME AND SIT. Amazes me how poignant our brains can be at pulling all our life experiences and summing it up in a nano second flash....there was that tree trunk in my mind. I knew I did not feel like I had given you my all or that you were ignoring me. It was the aloneness of that image. It was that tree missing and wanting her boy back. It was everything in the book about the image. We have SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE to each other. But there was that picture and my speeded heart MAD at the changes.

I am becoming more aware. I went to my office and sat in my guest chair instead of my work chair. I got centered on my knowing that I GET TO CHOOSE what I do with ALL of my energy. I sat there choosing to reshape the aloneness and missing you. I had no idea how to go about it. So I prayed and invited every God and Angel available and willing to join me, aid me in my sadness.  I visited each of you in my heart. I don't know how I knew to do that. Angels promptings?  I saw all the life embracing decisions that you are about....I felt all the LOVE your are sharing.  AND THE TREE WAS HAPPY!!!!! I shifted. Like MAGIC. Abracadabra--except this time, instead of "with my words I create...it was with my THOUGHTS I create"!!!! I did not need you to stop and come and sit. You were with me.  I got up and  went to look at myself in the bathroom mirror because the feeling shift was so huge....I am not sure what I was expecting. In the mirror was this woman with soft wrinkles and bushy hair, she was smiling. I love her. I laughed out loud that STILL when I look in to my image I still long for PRETTY...will I be 86 and still hoping for PRETTY?  I knew that the alone quiet was a gift to me in my progression in learning to manage my energy and love. I loved you for it.  I felt a freedom that came only because of your goodness...only because I DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY about WHO you are and the CHOICES you make. TRUSTING, KNOWING your GOODNESS gifts me with freedom that allows me to spend my energies...well... on me. THANK YOU LOVES!!! There is much work to be done here...and now is the time.

Have I told you not only how much I LOVE YOU but how AWESOME SAUCE each of you are?????

And then dinner time approached and my to do list was barely scratched, it was time for dinner...and I was happy that I didn't have to worry about fixing dinner for anyone. I sat in the beauty of my time freedom and loved me a stump.

My week was full of some great new people, new ideas, a few new books :) Dad told the Clarke's last night that I am Amazon's most favorite customer. Maybe:) If I was independently wealthy I could sure up that spot...I need the TIME that would bring as well as the funds to make it through all the books I want to slurp down. Danielle La Porte's ideas-- who I posted about earlier this week-- is worth some thinking time.

HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL chickadees??? (A repeat from last week) Make your goals and life plans around HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL!!

I realized how incredibly silly it is that the Sundance Film Festival is RIGHT HERE and I have never been. MOVIES open me right up and take me to new places I didn't know to FEEL!!!  I put that on my bucket list ...probably next year. I saw this facebook post of an older couple doing swing dancing and KNEW that was going on the list too. I have ALWAYS loved DANCING and THE WAY IT MAKES ME FEEL. I have planned some dance parties...YOU are so going to be invited!!!

 I spent the day with the GIRLIES yesterday and loved the LOVE and JOY and RELAXING we have when we are together. My body NEEDS to laugh. Laughing is strongly connected to loving somehow. I CHOOSE to plan laughter because of the way it MAKES ME FEEL...THANK YOU Big Bang Theory!!!

 I had 2 specific instances where I got to participate in intentional MIRACLES this week.  Where another's fear about me and my life choices was able to be held up, squished around, reformed, put down and then only their love for me was left. This connecting place is a new heaven. I DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR. I see that when I put my fear down it eases theirs to the ground. Just love and allowing. I have been slow to this truth, but I am learning (by witnessing the magic) that when I  STAY in my love and most authentic self-- MIRACLES happen for me.  I do believe I am starting to grow up.

Spencer had friends over Friday night to watch the basketball game. You know I loved it!!!! Yes...even and especially all the hot tub towels left in a pile on the floor. He and Kasey are still dating. He then went to St. George for the weekend to GOLF. Not sure WHERE he's watching the football games today. Meg came Thursday night to make corn bread since I had all the stuff :) Yep..you know I loved it! Michael and Josh check in with calls and emails and texts. Michael is hating his car insurance rates. Pray some miracles happens that his rate will be lowered. Josh likes his room mate and being around Michael and in a new place. He is reading the DIVERGENT series...yes...a FUN read if you are looking for one. Laura's boy friend John is here from California this weekend...we are having birthday lunch at noon for her. SO EASY TO LOVE THAT WOMAN xxooxx. I have 5 builders flying in for training this week and I pick them up at different times today....they will stay here tonight and Wednesday night. Dad leaves Monday for two weeks.

Do Terra has a program you can enroll in if you hit a certain level where they will pay half of all of your travel. It is from February through May. I will be doing quite a bit...I will keep you informed as it is planned. I just want to giggle when I FEEL how perfectly Do Terra has worked in the planning of the hopes and dreams of my life. AND REAL ESTATE!!! So MANY things and people to love and DO!!!

You don't have to COME SIT...but TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR WEEK loves!!! EVERY DETAIL!!!
Thank you for being who you are. For your GOODNESS...and your INDEPENDENCE. Forgive me when I am slow to merge with the perfect changes.
This momma loves you.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Danielle LaPorte

She asks...HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL when you wake up in the morning...while you are at work each day...when you are all alone...HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL?????
She has this mind twisting, heart gripping book called the DESIRE MAP. Instead of making goals around what you WANT ...you make them about DOING/BEING the things that bring you the FEELINGS you wanna have. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Take note lovies..she's got some good stuff to listen to. Yep. She's on YouTube AND has her own home page with some wild wisdom.
Yes. This is the same girlie I told you about when I read her FIRESTARTER SESSIONS. She got even better.

Monday, January 13, 2014

LOVE From Sammer 13 Jan 2014

What a week!
Good news! I found Sriracha hot sauce at the supermarket, and honestly, that was one of the best parts of the entire week! Surprise! Luke was baptized and confirmed this weekend! It was an incredible baptism. 4 investigators were baptized in the Coventry ward this weekend which is pretty remarkable for England! On Monday we gave Luke a call and he was finally home from Romania. He invited us to come over, shared with us his home-made romanian treats his mom made him, and we taught him and followed up with him, and straight away he says, "I know I need to be baptized this weekend!" and he was so ready. His testimony is so strong and I am so humbled to have been a part of his conversion, he will be an incredible member, and maybe even a missionary!
We taught a lot of lessons this week which is always incredible.  I've gotten to the point where when I'm street contacting, I only talk to chinese.  They are just so incredible. When the church gets proselyting missions in China it is going to explode with the gospel! they are so humble and they have the softest hearts in the world. 
On Tuesday I went on a great exchange with a guy called Elder Hall, and they have some investigators that love playing basketball, so I got to play proper basketball for the first time on my mission! I was rusty as heck but it was so fun to finally be competing because I suck at football. They play every tuesday, and we found 7 people this week who have all committed to coming to play with us, and then letting us teach them after. It is going to be a great way to find even more people to teach!
We have an investigator who is an actual Prince in Nigeria, who has moved to England to merry his sweetheart. He is so sick! his name is Prince haha.  This week he had us over for dinner and teaching appointment, and we ate some interesting stuff! goats, goat stomach, crayfish, boiled starfish, and then chicken. Some people in Nigeria eat the bones of the chicken! so he gives us the chicken wings, and then asked us why we didn't eat the bone, he then preceded to show us  that he can chew bones like they are popcorn because he has been eating them his whole life, so this week, I ate 3 chicken wing bones! it was crazy but they actually tasted pretty good. 
On Saturday we went to the mission home for the follow up trainers meeting which was really good, then had the incredible baptism! The spirit was so strong! and we had a couple of investigators there who are on a date to be baptized, and they really felt the spirit as well.  after the baptism, Elder Unice and I found 17 potential investigators in an hour... best of my mission! I honestly love talking to random strangers on the street.
We fed the homeless again yesterday which is always good! The people that organize the charity and the food shelter are all from a born-again christian church, and probably 5 of them  yesterday were just hammering me and persecuting me for my belief in the Book of Mormon. Of anything that people could hammer with me about what's "wrong with our church" the book of mormon was the wrong thing for them to talk to me about, as that is easily the strongest part of my testimony besides the atonement; I gave them a lot of scriptures in the bible that really shocked them, explained how we came to have it, and why it is important for everyone to read and pray about it, and then testified that I knew that it was true from the power of the holy ghost.. It was incredible! after I was finished not one of them questioned it, and one of the guys from the church named Gaz, Elder Unice and I are sitting down with on wednesday to talk more about the Book of Mormon. It was a great experience!
We have 7 people on a date in the next 3 weeks, so please continue to pray for Gifty, Rosalyn, Louis, Long, Zed, Kathy, Michael, Nora, and Sherri! I love you all so much! I hope you enjoy some pics! Have a fantastic week. I heard it is incredibly cold! I'm sorry. It's actually not so bad anymore in Coventry, only when it's raining it's absolutley miserable. which is like 1/3 of the days. but it's all good! Take Care
Elder Samuel Joseph Harris.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Hello 2014!!!!

 Terrance posted this on his facebook and I HAD to steal it...look how long these guys have been besties!!!
Could life be sweeter than this? To have Friends who stay with us for the whole journey?
 I saw these ideas on a post and wanted to put them here to make sure that I remember to DO THEM.
I decided that just because you kids are gone doesn't mean that I can't have Wacky Wednesday's still this summer. I've decided that Wednesday will be my Saturday this summer and I will just PLAY anyway...and these are some of the creations I will PLAY at....
I LOVE planning my life, my fun, my JOY!!!

 I will use my rocks from Donegal, Ireland....
 LOVE THIS PIC of MIKE MOST MOST MOST MOST....and would have this graffiti be my anthem.
Thinking maybe to have a Wacky Wednesday Reunion this summer and thought this would STILL be fun for all of us....hard not to dream of Summer in the winter......and ALL OF YOU BEING HOME WITH ME....sam, we would do it AGAIN when you are home.

How were your weeks? I know everyone was thrilled with Seattle's win! And the Seminoles:). I know I am a GATOR first..but I really do have to cheer for anything FLORIDA.  As I watched the rain pour down during the Seahawks game I was even more sure that I really am a FLORIDA girl...I like SUNSHINE with my rain :)

I can't tell you the relief I feel in Michael finally having a car! Sam-he got a Forester like Spencer only his is black. Something about my knowing that at ANY given deciding minute he CAN just walk out his door and drive home to me.  :)

Been snowy and cold. Been COLD and slippery.  Did I tell you it's been COLD???? As much as I don't love running circles at the rec center...I am blessed to have it. Even this morning I wanted to get OUT...but the roads are still too icy. More snow expected for today.

I have had a thoughtful week. Another one. You know how I love to have something chewy for my mind...and heart.  A few interactions have caused me to mediate longer, pray harder, look deeper, love freer, and speak much more slowly. One day I will give you the details of the interactions...but not yet.

I am not sure that I have ever had this conversation with you kids. You know I believe we are all energy beings and that WE  create our lives with our energy. I believe that we create everything that comes to us. IN our creating comes to us a reflection of who and where we are on our life journey. There is something for us to learn about ourselves and our path ALWAYS-- in what we create/bring to ourselves. That the opportunities and events of our lives are seldom, if ever, really about the other person. They are for OURSELVES.

What are YOU creating loveies? Are you HAPPY? Are you your authentic selves? Are you listening to your HEART or to your HEAD?  If you could be BEING / DOING anything right now...is your life a reflection of a path to that??? Questions I am asking myself.

I have learned that listening to our heart and our dreams is what keeps us on our true path. That each path is so individual it CANNOT be compared to ANY others. OUR HEART is our truest COMPASS. My head has brilliantly led the way for too long---I did not trust my heart enough. It felt to me that my heart did not align up with what the KNOWING people said. So I defaulted to them. I didn't trust me. TRUST YOURSELVES.

The good news is...your heart WILL burst out  and above your head if you sincerely petition the heavens for truth.  I have spent TOO MUCH TIME in my head during my life from all the things I was told to BE/DO. I am excited to say that everyday I am hearing my heart and soul more.  I am converting to my HEART. I can HEAR myself. I KNOW what my dream is. YOU are always apart of my dream. I SOOOO love that you are adults and that we can work this around  together.  I adore and love hearing all of your input.

 Marianne Williamson says "EVERYTHING IS LOVE or a CALL FOR LOVE". I know this. I trust this. Could this be our families mantra for 2014???? I am hoping that because you have now read this statement from her, that it will pop into your mind every now and again and you will chew on it.  Just repeat it and repeat it. CHEW. See how it applies. I want for you to  take a look at all that is in your life.... and with open excited arms, HOLD all that you have created....EXCEPT of course....those things that don't bring you HAPPINESS...or those things that you need to put down so that the NEW can be welcomed in....SET DOWN THOSE THINGS NOT WORKING FOR YOU or KEEPING YOU FROM HAPPINESS. Your Momma says: SET THEM DOWN!

Each of us are experiencing enormous changes right now...which brings GREAT BLESSINGS. To bring in newness we have to let old parts of our lives fall away. Alot of parallels to the resurrection Sam. Sometimes the falling away part can feel fearful to me, but my knowing tells me how silly that is...that instead it would be a better choice to CELEBRATE and be in GRATITUDE for the shedding of the old! I love embracing the blessings and lessons of the old...but I cherish more that I can then let go of what is no longer serving me. I am SO EXCITED for the new gifts that are showered on each of us...and as Doreen Virtue says "Let their magic surprise and delight you!" She also says "Don't be concerned about endings, as they are bringing in the new for you.". Our heart prayers are answered with change.

I watched Dorene Virtue's reading on 2014...you can You tube it if you want. I LOVED IT! According to the Chinese New Year chart this is the year of the horse...I love IT!  The horse represents strength and speed. I want BOTH :)  I plan to mount that steed and head through the year on a mission of LOVE and GROWTH and SUCCESS!

I encourage each of you to take some kind of a risk this year that will put your hearts true desire into action.

Procrastinating your dreams won't make them go away....neither will it make them happen. Another Dorene quote "Indecision is the death of a soul's burning passion to improve, to grow, to learn. Don't worry about making a wrong decision. Make a decision. Once made the universal energies will immediately support your decision and doors will successively open as if by magic. The magic you see, is that YOU'VE set your mind to accomplish something." My life proves evidence of this truth. Go DO TERRA!!! Go REAL ESTATE!!! Go POOL!!! GO LOVE and TRUTH!!! GO HAPPINESS!!!! :)   I SOOOOO want YOU to know the truth of this. I want YOU to have YOUR DREAMS!!!

Don't consider the possibility or the impossibility. Just define the feelings and the END RESULT of what you want...and start walking there.

Back to Marianne Williamson's quote EVERYTHING IS LOVE or a CALL FOR LOVE". Love YOURSELF, love others, and every situation. Yes. I said that. Every situation. Be ONE with the Divine. Choose to do your "work" from the higher level of consciousness-- where LOVE reigns supreme--my testimony as your 50 year old Momma,  is that it is HERE, in this place, where the most GOOD can be done and felt and LIVED.

On the days or in the moments when you are tired or confused or discouraged or depressed or just feeling LESS than...CALL YOUR MOMMA...I will wrap you up wherever you are, in MY LOVE. And on the days when you are giddy with excitement and bounding around the planet from the MAGIC that IS  life itself ...CALL YOUR MOMMA to share with me and to strengthen our knowing and LOVE connections!!! And on all the other days...CALL YOUR MOMMA or text.!  :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I am  putting away/down much of the OLD that my HEAD told me was more right.  I am listening to my heart. I KNOW my dreams. I am so excited for more of them to be made manifest. I am LIVING most of my dreams now. Today.  It is ALL about a world of LOVE.

I have had reason this week to ponder the times when my LOVE has taken the form of excluding or separating out myself from others. Boundaries. Choices. Separation. Boundaries and separating out have been tricky for me my whole life. I cling to INCLUSION.  Please want me.  I don't really think I started understanding boundaries until a few years ago thanks to an amazing counselor, Jodi Hildebrandt, and a dear friend, Barb Muirhead. You can read all kinds of books on co dependency and boundaries....and just NOT GET IT while you are swimming in it...until YOU DO.

What was so clear to everyone else---was so mixed up in my heart and head.  It wasn't until I heard someone say...THIS IS CODEPENDENCY: when you let someone else's feelings and beliefs trump your own because you are worried about their feelings more than your own. 

I GOT IT! Sweet lessons. Life is kind.  I am in a place for the first time where I can stand and say that what is important to me,  does not have to bow down or be less important  because that might hurt someone else's feelings. It's critical that EACH of us LEARN to listen to our OWN hearts. Now other people's feelings do not trump my own....most of the time. I got the Jesus teachings all messed in my head. I was SURE that we came here to think of others first. Mother Theresa is still a saint to me.  I totally misunderstood "thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself".  I missed the whole thyself part. I missed that Mother Theresa had to love herself in a way I STILL do not know to give her work its meaning.  That scripture, even as PLAIN as it is written, meant to me...THOU SHALT LOVE THY NEIGHBOR ABOVE THYSELF.

To those who have never known the place of co dependency, they look into this as the ridiculous...WHAT DO YOU CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK??? Well...I have spent a life caring. A life thinking that most others SHOULD (you know how I feel about that word now) come above myself if I am a true Christian. And I still do sometimes. I LOVE my neighbor. I LOVE people. I finally have the concept more straight. Messy me. And messy for so long.

 Now I just LOVE ME too. Of course I never learn things perfectly so my pendulum swung pretty far to the loving myself for a bit. I do not apologize. I was due. When you haven't loved yourself it takes a minute to find you.  I am swinging closer to the middle, I smile at my imperfect perfection. Yep. I did that. Yep...that was my lesson learning process. But HEY! HERE I AM!!! Happy and GODDESS in training.  I give ME the same credence I was giving my neighbors.  I see how smart people are. I want to be smart. I see how kind, generous, world changing...I wanna be those things.  I want to be joined to so many of them. I want their progressed energies to rub up against mine. Now that I stand more fully in my I AM...its okay that I step left and allow those whose spaces I am not attracted to currently, their  own space in differing with me. It does not mean that I wish to remove them from my world. I will just step left and look in with curiosity at their rules and their happiness. I will continue to use them as a mirror for what I am reflecting.

I am navigating new waters with new oars children. I look around and am dazzled at how many ways there are to travel a journey. I hope you can TOUCH MY JOY ...feel the feelings I feel for you as I watch you travel. Whether you run, fly, crawl, hop...I will trust  your way.   Having you all OUT in the world, all over the place, is NOT my favorite...unless of course, IT IS. Life is such a duality. Paradox.  I HATE that you are not at the dinner table each night catching me up on your days....yet I LOVE that you are out in the world seeking and learning its magic. There is so much JOY here. I am so grateful for my life and that YOU belong to me. YOU ARE MY GREATEST GIFT on this journey. May yours be all the sweeter by learning from my stumbles and detours.

My greatest JOY is to witness you hearing your heart and acting on it. That reminds me of John 1:4 "I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk in truth." YOUR TRUTH IS YOUR HEART AND YOUR DREAMS. Trust them my chickadees.


If ever I can be a source or assist in providing an opportunity, be a needed hand to hold, or a mirror...I am your Momma...I came to do exactly that. Oh that I were an angel and could give you the perfect path. Wait...I am...and I did!!!!!! I provided your life possibility :)  NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE YOUR PATH WILL BE PERFECT FOR YOU. I believe this. I also believe that whatever you need will show up when you need it. Your Guru's are ready and waiting for you to come and ask.  I just suggest lots more JOY than PAIN. Both are teachers. CHOOSE JOY!!!!

What I want? Is to get it RIGHT this time around on earth. Is to have days and weeks and months and more years spent CREATING with YOU xxooxxooxxooxx


We are called to serve. Happy January 2014
Da Momma

Monday, January 6, 2014

From Sam 6 Jan 2014

Another pretty dope  week!
Monday we went to that really good buffet in the city center, and then the waiter came up to us to tell us that someone in the restaurant had paid for our meal! so that was really cool.
On Thursday we met with Kathy and Zed, the 2 chinese people we found in City center. They brought their other chinese friend Louis to hear the lesson, and we committed kathy and Zed to the 2nd of February! they are so solid it is unreal. While we were teaching Louis' eyes were absolutely full with the light of Christ and he was so amazed at what we were teaching. 
On Friday we taught Gifty again. Gifty is the amazing lady from Ghana who is investigating again because of her new born baby girl that died, and she was intrigued to know what's happened to her.  and her daughter Rosalyn has been sitting in during the lessons. in the middle of the lesson Rosalyn just randomly said, "I prayed last night" and we asked her more, she went on to say, "I prayed for Heavenly father to watch after my baby sister, and I felt really good, I know god is taking good care of her." The spirit was really strong, and Gifty was shocked to hear that 9 year old rosalyn had been affected from the lessons we had been giving her. We committed both of them to being baptized on the 25th of January
Later on Friday, we taught Michael, another Chinese student who named himself after Michael Jordan. We commited him to baptism on the 2nd of February as well!
Sunday was amazing! Kathy, Zed, Louis, Liam, Michael, Gifty, and Rosalyn all came to church! and they all really loved it! they are progressing, loving the book of mormon, and looking really good for baptism. After Church we went and taught 2 more chinese girls at the public library. We taught them how to pray last week, so to follow up with them we asked them how their prayers have been going, and they have both had witnesses that god is there for them! and they were so exited to learn more. We also gave them restoration pamplets in English, and they brought them out, and they had translated the pamplet into Chinese with all of the words they didn't understand! So we went there planning to teach the restoration, and they already knew it very well! the first thing Nora and Sherri said was, "Are there really prophets? Joseph Smith is a really important person!" It was brilliant. We committed them to the 2nd of February as well. This week we got 7 more people on a date! So now we have 8 investigators who have committed to be baptized. I hope more than anything that they all continue to progress, and I have faith tha they will. 
This gospel rocks! Elder Unice and I have dedicated the last week and a half especially to really just finding and teaching as hard as we can and trying our very best, and the fruits of our labors have shown themselves! we are so blessed, but also realize that without the lord, and the power of the holy ghost, none of this would have happened. So family, we need your help!! please continue to pray for Luke, Gifty, Rosalyn, Michael, Liam, Kathy, Luis, Nora and Sherri, that they will continue to read and pray. I'm confident that anyone who sincerely reads and prays every day will be baptized.  I love you guys! have an amazing week.
MOM!! CONGRATS ON DIAMOND!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS! BUT IT SOUNDS SO GOOD SO THAT'S WHY I'M WRITING IN ALL CAPS!! WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!!!! I pray for your success every day, and I'm sure you do as well, good to see that Heavenly father answers prayers! have an outstanding week my amazing eternal family! I love you all so much!
Elder Sam Harris.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Sunday January 5th 2014

 Spencer and boys had a blast on the road trip! They snowboarded, went to the beach and spent a day at Magic Mountain.
 I hit Diamond! This top pic is of some of my frontline builders. Below is me with  Patrick and Allyse (my upline)--they had a big dinner party for me at La Jolla Groves and they dressed me and Dad up with all things glittery and then painted our faces with some weird makeup as you can see, and our nails with glittery polish...when the glitter makeup  wouldn't show up they went for goth with the black.  I'm not big on that kind of stuff...but they also had everyone go around the table and tell one thing they loved about me as their leader...I thought I was going to HATE that...turned out to be so incredibly sweet...I will treasure that forever.
Josh and I had such a great trip together to Seattle. I wish a 13 hour road trip for me with each of you kids. Later I will send you pics of his apartment...the view of the sound is magical. I just wish it weren't so gray. He and Michael will have a great time there. I am keeping in this short love. I will give more details later. I am one sick Chica....this is my first time out of bed today...my head and my chest and my EVERYTHING aches. I have literally slept all day . Been a really long time since I've felt this sick.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Don’t Be Pretty – Be Beautiful in 2014

Ok...no promises that this is the last copy and paste...I have fallen in LOVE with this woman. I have a big crush. And you will see why as you read her words below. I am going to be BEAUTIFUL in 2014. I am.

Tish and I were walking together on the beach last week. She stopped to look out at the water so I did, too. She put her hand in mine, looked up at me and said, “Mom, am I pretty?”
Luckily, I’d been thinking about that word for a couple of decades, so I was ready.
I sat Tish down in the sand, took a deep breath, and dove in.
“I think you’re pretty, Tish. I think you are very, very pretty. But pretty is a weak word, because it means different things to everyone. You really don’t have much control over whether folks think you’re pretty or not. Spending a lot of time asking the world if you’re pretty – it’s just not a strong position to take. You will have to keep changing yourself for everyone you meet, and eventually you won’t know who you are. I know because I used to think pretty was really important, so I felt confused and weak a lot.
What I want you to be, Tish, is beautiful. Beautiful means “full of beauty.” Beautiful is not about the appearance of your outsides- beautiful is about what you’re made of. Beautiful women are women who spend time discovering what they love – what sings to them –what their idea of beauty on this Earth is. Then they make time each day to fill themselves up with that beauty. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day.
That’s why we’re here today, honey. I was feeling a little empty this afternoon and so I brought you here to the beach to fill myself back up with beauty. This place is beauty to me. So I come here to fill up with the Gulf of Mexico. With the sound of the waves rolling in and the sight of the pelicans fishing and the feel of the cool sand on my feet. When I leave here I feel really beautiful. And I brought you with me because you are beauty to me, too, Tish. When you smile at me – I am beautiful .
Many of the things you see me do each day, honey – I do them to be beautiful.
It’s why I take time out to spend with good friends.
It’s why I read and look at art and always have that music I love playing in the house.
It’s why I light candles in every room.
It’s why I watch you climbing those Banyan trees in the front yard.
It’s why I roll around on the floor with Theo and Meadow and why I’m always smelling the top of your head.
It’s why I drag you to sunset and to church every week.
I’m just filling up with beauty- because I want to be beautiful.
Tish, you will meet plenty of people in your life who are pretty but haven’t yet taken the time to be beautiful. They will have the right look for the times- but they will not glow. Beautiful women glow. When you are with a beautiful woman you will not so much notice her hair or skin or body or clothes – because you’ll be distracted by the way she makes you feel. She will be so full of beauty that you will feel some spill onto you. You’ll feel warm and safe and curious around her. Her eyes will twinkle a little and she’ll look at you really closely, Tish- because beautiful, wise women know that the quickest way to fill up with beauty is to soak in another human being. Other people are beauty, beauty, beauty. So you will notice that the most beautiful women take their time with other people. They are just filling up.
Women who are concerned with being pretty think about what they look like, but women who are concerned with being beautiful think about what they are looking at. They are taking it all in. They are taking in the whole beautiful world and making all that beauty theirs to give away to others.
Does that make any sense, baby?”
And Tish said, “I think so. It’s like, when you first wake up, mom. You look really,really bad. Your hair is messy and your face looks weird. But when you see me, your eyes get twinkly. Is that because you think I’m beauty?”
“Yes, baby. I’m filling up with you. Because I want to be beautiful.”
Friends – in 2014 let us decide to be beautiful women. Let us take the time to discover what in this world is beauty to us –  and fill up with it daily.
Being beautiful is a strong position to take.
Love and Peace and Beauty for all-

Friday, January 3, 2014


Yes...it IS the 3rd of January...and I haven't done one spec of taxes for 2013. Yes, this is avoidance. Delaying taxes is a repeated theme in my life. Delaying the unpleasant is a repeated theme. I am ODD. I KNOW that once I start all unpleasant tasks, I usually end up finding satisfaction of some sort  in the doing...or PEACE...but that does not spur me to move.  I WILL CHANGE the delaying this year. For my taxes... Meg's Money Desktop app along with a new accountant will hold me to it. Change is in invigorating. Just KNOWING that this is the LAST TIME I WILL EVER SIT here with baskets of receipts and an empty excel spread sheet is ALMOST enough to get me started. STARTING is the hard part for me....but ONLY when I feel the task is unpleasant. Right? Soooo...how to make taxes appealing??? How to make all unpleasant things TO ME, appealing? I have thought how accountants LOVE their work...they figured it out...there must be a smidge of that "liking it" out there for me?

Delay tactic number one and most common: Dreaming.

I am dreaming of the year ahead. 2014. The numbers just LOOK right, right? This is my year. This is MY LIFE :) And yours  xxooxx

You will be impressed with how fit and radiant I look :)! I am T-voing ELLEN more and actually dancing with her daily. I LOVE to dance...WHY haven't I done it more? That pause you couldn't see was my breaking to dance to BLACK EYED PEAS  I Gotta Feeling and then had to keep dancing  to WALKING on SUNSHINE :).  I QUIT  just dreaming and start DOING in 2014. I laugh so much my tummy is tight from THAT workout. All these ideas and opportunities I am exploding with are happening with the people I love, the people I want to meet, and those I want to get to know better. I'm going to meet Oprah. And sometimes those people....that person... is JUST ME :) I keep learning to love ME this year. God made me and like I have said before...IS CRAZY MAD IN LOVE WITH ME...I want to learn to love what HE (they) LOVES the way HE LOVES :) I take more time for WHO and WHAT I love. I read some of the most favorite books I've ever read. So FUN to not even know which ones they are yet!!! I attract only kind and gently life lessons.  I go to double and triple features on a WORK day! I teach myself a working knowledge of Astrology. I spend a week at St. Augustine beach by myself most of the time. I continue to be tutored by the great minds and hearts LIVING on the planet, and those who are in other realms. I will HEAR myself. I am in charge of my body, my mind, and my schedule and I stay focused on my target goals. I break my goals into baby steps. I continue to work my grasp of LIVING IN THE PRESENT. I notice my feelings.  I am like Doreen Virtue has said "I take up my spirited arms and move with swift  speed into the night, awakening one and all to the magic that is life itself".  I choose my energy and what I create. I learn to manage the power of my creation! I CHOOSE Love, Laughter, Kindness and Happiness. I create memories and events that live for eternity with the loved ones I experience them with. I keep Brene Brown close. I rejoice in my failings that I am one step closer to success. I commit to my dreams for the long haul.

This is ALOT of I's. I wonder if I am making others uncomfortable with all these I's or if it is just me? Nope...I'm good.

Day 3 of 2014 is showing amazing promise for the rest of the days....Starting Taxes NOW.


GOT IT TO CUT AND PASTE...see below to find out where you can read more of Glennon's "STUFF".
But this one I needed to have in my blog book...I want it nestled in between the "STUFF" I write. I want her gift. I want it. I want to be able to share the sacred knowing places inside of me in a way that others GET IT.
 GET ME. Soooo....here's the LOVE from Glennon....and hey: I AM A HIRED WITNESS...somedays :)
I used to live inside my head, but now I live beyond it. This move likely saved my life.
You see – I’ve got voices in my head. These voices are so intense, incessant, distracting, loud, rude, judgmental and afraid that at several points in my life I’ve truly, truly understood  - deep in my bones –  that folks kill themselves to finally get some peace from the voices. Because the voices are that bad. The voices are hell. But yoga and meditation and lots of reading about Eastern philosophy taught me another way to find peace from the voices. We don’t have to wait for heaven to find peace- which is freedom from the voices. Christians need to do a better job of teaching each other about this here and now way instead of just telling folks that things will get better when they die.
Jesus told us over and over that the Kingdom of God is not later or out there  – but now and inside of us. He tried to show us how to access His Kingdom by retreating from the voices and into meditation and prayer several times a day, but we don’t concentrate on that part of Jesus’ life much. Instead of learning to meditate to detach – we Christians tend to identify with the voices in our heads and in the world and choose sides– which is likely why people think of us as judgmental. We don’t have to choose sides. We don’t have to be judges. God is the judge and God doesn’t need our help. We should have faith that God’s got the judging thing under control and let go of all of that. If we let go – we would be less tired and more joyful and that would be much more attractive and true to the world than all the yelling.
Even though I know all of that – the voices in my head still go at it all day. They bicker about who sucks and who is awesome and who is good enough to us and who doesn’t treat us right. They endlessly muse about what we want and what we hate and what we plan and they do all they can to revisit and nurse every past grudge we’ve ever had. The only thing they like better than criticizing others is criticizing me. They talk all day about why I’m the worst or the best or why I’m never going to be good enough. One of their favorite things is to try to get me all riled up – they love trying to make me afraid or mad.  It’s like living inside of a nasty debate all day, every day. I used to think that my job was deciding which voice in every debate was righter. It was up to me to judge- to decide which voice was the least crazy and then base my life decisions upon whatever that voice said. That’s what I did, all day everyday forever.
But one day in yoga class I was getting frustrated and my teacher looked right at me and said: “Fire the judge and hire the witness.”
Judge not, lest ye be judged. I used to think that scripture was just about not pointing out other people’s flaws. Maybe, but I think it’s also about not deciding between the crazy debating voices in our heads- about not offering them any validity by judging one saner than the other. The truth is that we don’t know who or what is good or bad for us or for others. We suck as judges because we just don’t have all the information. This is why god is the only decent judge- because God is the only one who can see the whole picture.
And so through these realizations I learned that my mind is an eternal boxing match and instead of ducking from punches and protecting my face and choosing sides – I can just step outside of the ring. My job in my life is not to get involved with all of the arguments that happen in my head. BECAUSE NONE OF THE VOICES IN MY HEAD ARE REAL.
I am the witness. I am the one noticing those voices. Sitting somewhere beyond them, smiling patiently, undisturbed, letting them fight it out if they must. Peace is not a bird resting on a still pond- it’s a bird sitting snugly and gently and securely in a nest above a raging waterfall. The waterfall is your mind but you can separate from it, sit in this nesty spot above it, and watch it rage by- knowing you are safe. You can find the nest by taking a deep breath and remembering that you are not in the drama. You are not in the play- you are just in the audience – curious about the plot turns but knowing you don’t have to control the actors and that you’ll make it out of the theatre regardless, eventually.
This seismic life shift is how I “handle” all the criticism and praise that is involved with the work I do. Because after I figured out that I don’t have to decide between the voices in my mind- it followed that I don’t have to decide between the voices in the world. Because the whole world is like one giant mind, right? And the debate and talking points and outrage are incessant and endless and intense and also- just noise. They are NOT REAL. What is real is the love and fear behind the voices and that makes us all the same because we are –  each and every one of us –  giant balls of fear and love. So I just try to see past the actual words people say to the energy behind the words people say- the fear and love  - because when I see that I can always smile in recognition: Namaste. I am fear and love, too.
Last night I stumbled across a site that was hosting many comments “about me” and one said: “when she dies, they should put her face down in the coffin” and the one right below said “she is the most amazing woman on Earth.” I just smiled because don’t these sort of dramatic voices sound familiar? I hear them all day internally. Don’t they sound like the ridiculous things we tell ourselves all day? You suck. You are better than the rest. You’ll never be good enough. These voices- whether they are inside or out- they are the waterfall. Let them rage by but don’t jump in for God’s sake- that’s suicide.
There is only one voice that is real and that is the voice of God. God doesn’t speak to me in words or voices, usually. God presents Godself to me with a deep knowing. I come back to that knowing again and again in yoga or meditation or church or in the middle of a deep breath or at sunset or when my kids are asleep and I brush their soft, soft cheeks with my lips gently.  I think this is the place that Jesus refers to as the Kingdom of Heaven – where all is well and that is just understood. Where the debating voices are silenced because I have transcended the waterfall and found myself in the nest  – looking lovingly down at my people and myself and the whole brutiful world in all its messy glory.
I love you.
With unbearable compassion,