Sunday, January 19, 2014
Jan 19 2014 Sunday
Another week. TIME is a subject that has been circling my brain. TIME and MONEY...I always want more of both...of course with the utmost desire for the betterment of me and mankind :) ok, truth: mostly for fun and frivolity--FUN AND FRIVOLITY WITH YOU xxooxx
I LOVE YOU! I am REALLY doing some adjusting with all of you out of the house. Sometimes when I come home to it empty mid day I can hear the walls whining and crying for you to COME BACK. Your energy is so absent it body slams me. Thursday I came in and before I hit the kitchen I had the image of the tree trunk in THE GIVING TREE...yep...I got teary... my heart was pounding out COME CHILDREN...SIT...COME AND SIT. Amazes me how poignant our brains can be at pulling all our life experiences and summing it up in a nano second flash....there was that tree trunk in my mind. I knew I did not feel like I had given you my all or that you were ignoring me. It was the aloneness of that image. It was that tree missing and wanting her boy back. It was everything in the book about the image. We have SO MUCH MORE TO GIVE to each other. But there was that picture and my speeded heart MAD at the changes.
I am becoming more aware. I went to my office and sat in my guest chair instead of my work chair. I got centered on my knowing that I GET TO CHOOSE what I do with ALL of my energy. I sat there choosing to reshape the aloneness and missing you. I had no idea how to go about it. So I prayed and invited every God and Angel available and willing to join me, aid me in my sadness. I visited each of you in my heart. I don't know how I knew to do that. Angels promptings? I saw all the life embracing decisions that you are about....I felt all the LOVE your are sharing. AND THE TREE WAS HAPPY!!!!! I shifted. Like MAGIC. Abracadabra--except this time, instead of "with my words I create...it was with my THOUGHTS I create"!!!! I did not need you to stop and come and sit. You were with me. I got up and went to look at myself in the bathroom mirror because the feeling shift was so huge....I am not sure what I was expecting. In the mirror was this woman with soft wrinkles and bushy hair, she was smiling. I love her. I laughed out loud that STILL when I look in to my image I still long for PRETTY...will I be 86 and still hoping for PRETTY? I knew that the alone quiet was a gift to me in my progression in learning to manage my energy and love. I loved you for it. I felt a freedom that came only because of your goodness...only because I DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY about WHO you are and the CHOICES you make. TRUSTING, KNOWING your GOODNESS gifts me with freedom that allows me to spend my energies...well... on me. THANK YOU LOVES!!! There is much work to be done here...and now is the time.
Have I told you not only how much I LOVE YOU but how AWESOME SAUCE each of you are?????
And then dinner time approached and my to do list was barely scratched, it was time for dinner...and I was happy that I didn't have to worry about fixing dinner for anyone. I sat in the beauty of my time freedom and loved me a stump.
My week was full of some great new people, new ideas, a few new books :) Dad told the Clarke's last night that I am Amazon's most favorite customer. Maybe:) If I was independently wealthy I could sure up that spot...I need the TIME that would bring as well as the funds to make it through all the books I want to slurp down. Danielle La Porte's ideas-- who I posted about earlier this week-- is worth some thinking time.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO FEEL chickadees??? (A repeat from last week) Make your goals and life plans around HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL!!
I realized how incredibly silly it is that the Sundance Film Festival is RIGHT HERE and I have never been. MOVIES open me right up and take me to new places I didn't know to FEEL!!! I put that on my bucket list ...probably next year. I saw this facebook post of an older couple doing swing dancing and KNEW that was going on the list too. I have ALWAYS loved DANCING and THE WAY IT MAKES ME FEEL. I have planned some dance parties...YOU are so going to be invited!!!
I spent the day with the GIRLIES yesterday and loved the LOVE and JOY and RELAXING we have when we are together. My body NEEDS to laugh. Laughing is strongly connected to loving somehow. I CHOOSE to plan laughter because of the way it MAKES ME FEEL...THANK YOU Big Bang Theory!!!
I had 2 specific instances where I got to participate in intentional MIRACLES this week. Where another's fear about me and my life choices was able to be held up, squished around, reformed, put down and then only their love for me was left. This connecting place is a new heaven. I DO NOT HAVE TO FEAR. I see that when I put my fear down it eases theirs to the ground. Just love and allowing. I have been slow to this truth, but I am learning (by witnessing the magic) that when I STAY in my love and most authentic self-- MIRACLES happen for me. I do believe I am starting to grow up.
Spencer had friends over Friday night to watch the basketball game. You know I loved it!!!! Yes...even and especially all the hot tub towels left in a pile on the floor. He and Kasey are still dating. He then went to St. George for the weekend to GOLF. Not sure WHERE he's watching the football games today. Meg came Thursday night to make corn bread since I had all the stuff :) Yep..you know I loved it! Michael and Josh check in with calls and emails and texts. Michael is hating his car insurance rates. Pray some miracles happens that his rate will be lowered. Josh likes his room mate and being around Michael and in a new place. He is reading the DIVERGENT series...yes...a FUN read if you are looking for one. Laura's boy friend John is here from California this weekend...we are having birthday lunch at noon for her. SO EASY TO LOVE THAT WOMAN xxooxx. I have 5 builders flying in for training this week and I pick them up at different times today....they will stay here tonight and Wednesday night. Dad leaves Monday for two weeks.
Do Terra has a program you can enroll in if you hit a certain level where they will pay half of all of your travel. It is from February through May. I will be doing quite a bit...I will keep you informed as it is planned. I just want to giggle when I FEEL how perfectly Do Terra has worked in the planning of the hopes and dreams of my life. AND REAL ESTATE!!! So MANY things and people to love and DO!!!
You don't have to COME SIT...but TELL ME ALL ABOUT YOUR WEEK loves!!! EVERY DETAIL!!!
Thank you for being who you are. For your GOODNESS...and your INDEPENDENCE. Forgive me when I am slow to merge with the perfect changes.
This momma loves you.