Cramming my mind....

Affirming to know if I can just stay aware and focused, I CAN CHANGE. I want to BE Love.

I was so struck by the story of Copernicus and his waiting until his death to reveal his findings about the SUN being the center of the universe because the church was infallible and would have destroyed his work. I love that God reveals truth and makes changes through real live humans. What I don't understand is why we have to work so hard for some of the truths. Then, when the truths are so SOUL changing and contrary to what we have known before...the process of changing our mind to greater light. "Knowing" is so impermanent. I like permanent. On second thought, you know...I really don't.
Some new favorite words. A quick read and I plan to read a few more times at least. I loved the part where he says that the word FRIEND comes from the word FREEDOM...and that when we are with our TRUE FRIENDS we are free to BE who we really are. THANK YOU TRUE FRIENDS.
Sooooooo.....I am Muriel. So many things that Helen had come out of this character's mouth felt soul revealing to me. It started with when Muriel said she just "wanted to keep sitting there and drink in all of their togetherness" in relation to her whole family being home. That is how I feel right now as I pretend that May 4th is NOT coming. Then when she says something like (I don't have the book to get the exact quote from)" so I am suppose to just BITE MY TONGUE? I am suppose to just sit here biting little pieces of myself off so that others can sit in their peace?" And then when she says "mother wants to smooth and smoother me quiet so I won't be different from the others." Then Muriel's stark realization and fear that HER questioning may have caused the very hesitation that took Frank's life. I stay quiet (ok, only sometimes) in wonder at the things I think and wonder WHY I can think and feel so DIFFERENTLY from the herd around me. And then scared that my questions that leak out of me will cause my children to hesitate at the wrong times and be harmed by them.
Connor...you delicious writer you. How will I stay on the planet KNOWING I will never change the world as you have. I guess quietly like before, having known of other greats. Ashamed, yet relieved, to shelve your book and to know no one can MAKE me go to Nepal. Quickly searching for comfort to what my part could be, from HERE, to ease the need and spread love?.
I know I love Sarah's writing because everyone gets taken care of in the end. I am charmed and jealous of the quirky and literally magical ways it happens. I want to be taken care of. Just all of the sudden as I am going along in my real, very real life, magic happens. I am free of needs and wants. I am content in who I am. I rest. I love. I live.
I like quirky. I am always looking for magic. I want there to be REAL magic. I've seen some things like unto it in my life.
I have always loved books that tell me more about heaven. Especially those where I feel washed with that feeling of unconditional love. I miss home, and I can't even really remember it. But these books give me a quick remembrance of it sometimes. The sweet revelation in this book is his PRE LIFE memories that he was allowed to keep as a gift. I am still however waiting for that book that tells me about my MOTHER. And maybe the one where Father is not constantly attended to by a throng of heavenly beings and it is just HIM and me...no mediator....and he likes me...
I am only 2/3 of the way through this. I am surprised that I am loving a SCIENCE book. The writer is amazing and the studies are so interesting. It is relieving to know that they have PROVEN that you CAN change the brain...neoplasticisity. And so far...VOLUNTARY exercise is one of the ways you can do it. I AM doing something right to help myself. So now I am just plowing through to see WHAT and HOW I change it while I am doing all of this voluntary exercise.

Just wanted to say THANK YOU GOD...Heavenly Father and Mother...for all the BLESSINGS I have and ALL the BLESSINGS I am receiving. THANK YOU for people who have come to be with me here and enlighten and comfort my way. I LOVE YOU xx00xx.