Leaving

It's still dark out, the cinnamon rolls are raising in their pans, the turkey is almost done for the soup, the kids are sleeping and Don is off to church meetings. I am alone with my feelings. It's pretty dang lonely. Three of Josh's friends have their Missionary Farewell's today. It will only be a matter of weeks before Josh has his. Yes, I love God. Yes, I want the world to have the happiness that comes from recognizing that God is their true Father and that through his son, Jesus Christ, we can and will be given help, insight, strength, courage, and most importantly---life eternal. I'm just selfish. Pure and simple. I don't want them to go. None of them. I want them all to stay around me. I am tired of change that hurts. Okay...please don't start sending me ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to HELP ME feel better. I know all the stuff and heard all the stuff and LIVED all the stuff. I know life isn't about ME. I know it's a BLESSING to them. Michael LOVED his mission and would do it again right now. It's just....I have 3 more sons to go people. My heart is in pieces. No, I am not those other women who DELIGHT in their sons serving. I miss them to the core of my soul. BIG CHUNKS of me seem to be torn out when they are away. I already said it, I'M SELFISH. I get the problem. I just haven't gotten my soul to a place to make the problem seem doable. But no matter. November 4th I will put the sweetest son on the planet on a plane that will take him to Atlanta and then from there another 18 hours direct flight away from me. And he will love there. And he will share there. And he will testify there....and knowing Josh, he WILL change lives and spread hope. And I will be here. I will be working on sharing. I will continue to put the pieces of me together. It just feels ironic that I will send Josh across the planet to help others find true happiness when I'm still trying to get that whole thing together right here, right now.