New Year's Resolutions

Okay family...I know it 's the holidays...but I NEED you to put pictures on your Blogs...or e-mail me. I'm feeling down about GrandDad, yes, more saga, but still the SAME story. ANd then, I don't want to take Christmas down because it means real life is in a few days (work)...but I'm ready to have it down...yep, just a little psycho. Michael's call was WONDERFUL but now I think about him all day again like the first few months. Sorry Michael--I'm trying to grow up, and if someone has to have separation anxiety I would rather it be ME than you:)
Don is waiting for me to gather the boys for family night to set our New Year's Resolutions. It's too bad that Microsoft Word has a delete button...I keep writing down resolutions and then deleting them. I still have about 8 REAL and SOLID resolutions left that haven't been blanked out...and those measly few feel a bit overwhelming to me. I remember other years feeling inspired and energized...excited even. Where did that girl go? GIRL? For heavens sakes, surely at 44 I am a woman, but I don't FEEL grown up!!! I'm thinking I should wait to feel more RESOLUTE before I go any further;hence, I write this BLOG in avoidance. I'm beginning to think it takes a lifetime to figure out a self. Besides,I keep changing. Actually, I keep THINKING and READING and WATCHING and it must be only natural to change. I smile as I think of how little I care now for the things that consumed me only a few years ago...and how I would have laughed then at the time I take now as I consider what and who it is that I want in my life. I want to love hard, work hard, play hard, run hard, mother softly, and ENJOY it all. But mostly, I want to be REAL and self aware so that I can love the people in my life the best I can.
I should probably be deleting this...along with the other resolutions.