6---SIX, yes S I X weeks ago I decided to GET REAL and get a hold of myself on the weight front. Then I had 22 weeks until my 30th High School Reunion. In my head and heart, I just wanted to go back weighing close to what I did IN High School. I've never stopped exercising. I can run a gazillion miles. Yep...even and especially this chunky. But I've gotten in the habit of thinking I DESERVE to eat pretty much whatever sounds yummy to me at the moment. Who let this woman in my life? I did...and I LIKED her. I LOVED her and her food. So much comfort there. SO...I started my deprivation and gained 8 pounds the first week being so freaked out over not being able to HAVE that one thing for 4 months. Then, I just QUIT. WHO AM I??????? I still move the cards from the filing cabinet to the back of the door as the weeks tick by.I thought about the whole "bikini" picture thing where you embarrass yourself silly and show each week in pictures how much you've lost. May be the first time in my life I am DANG grateful I've NEVER owned a Bikini....You are Welcome...I know how much you appreciate being saved from the site.
I think bizarre thoughts like "remember when----------was in her 40's and lost all that weight and got all OLD looking?", or "you have some nicer curves in some of those places you've never had before and they might just be worth those OTHER softer curves", or "remember how NOT FUN it is to say NO all the time when it feels like EVERYONE ELSE can just go for it and have what they want, when they want?". ...and then the reality of getting dressed in the morning, yea, I pretty much have two outfits that fit. There are the black pants or the jeans....oops-3, I have a tent dress. I won't buy new clothes because that is STUPID.
OF COURSE I'm not staying here at this weight, even though its been 6 months now (just ONE more day)...and then another and another and now I am 6 weeks later having had about 42 LAST DINNERS...I signed up for weight watchers somewhere in there...and maybe I'll go weigh in this week.
BUT THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. I will not do the rest of my life with this many pounds. I have 16 weeks left. I WILL spare you the pictures. This blog is for me. I need a place to record and be accountable. I can't get back the last 6 weeks...so now I have to do it in 16...I CAN. I WILL. SO...no LAST SUPPER...just starting. Jamie...I know you are laughing. Sara, I know you are sick to death of having heard me whine and gnash my teeth for six months. Karie, YOU are my inspiration. Children, forgive me when I just can't put on a spread because I know I'll eat it. Reunion, thanks for coming every 10 years as a life marker.
PS Bread and BUTTER...I am so gonna miss you.......
As I lose each individual pound I get to put it on the OTHER side of the door....as you can see I went up 2 this week:) And that black with blue polka dot swim suit hanging on my bulletin board? I'm wearing that July 27th at Crescent Beach. Calling all Angel's, guardian's guides and FRIEND'S to help.
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