Bodies don't lie.....

I LIKE TO THINK that when it comes to me "what you see is what you get"...with the tagline "HEY...and I'm always trying to be BETTER". It's not true. You don't get to see me standing, fighting with myself at Walmart in front of the freezer case where they have 10 Totino's pizzas for $10. I GET that most of you are repulsed that I would even consider it. Well. I freaking LOVE those little pizzas with 4000 calories per 20 bites. You don't see me drive by 3 McDonald's before I drive through the 4th for a Big Mac and large fries. It fills that hole. That hole that says THERE IS PAIN HERE and I WANNA FEEL BETTER!!! I don't wildly, with hands flailing scoop for just anything to fill the holes. I choose food. ****There are no children home with me now for me to set the right example. No one to tell me no :)

THANK YOU LIFE.  It's just me. I decide. I am choosing different. TODAY.

What you do see is the product of those choices. Our bodies can't lie. What you see IS what you get. And um...I have not  been trying to be better. 40 pounds in 12 months holding now for like 28 months.

I only care in the morning when I go to get dressed. Once covered, I race through my day consuming all sorts of glorious less than healthy but ohhhhh so emotionally satisfying "fuel".

How many times I have fought this fight? I am up for one more time.

This week Oprah told the world on Ellen that she has lost 15 pounds on Weight Watchers. I have a rocking friend Marcii who has been on Weight Watchers for years and her body doesn't lie and it works. I'v successfully done Weight Watchers twice. Can you call it successful when you continue to regress? I am defining success as releasing the weight desired. So yep...I did the work. It was a success. It is what happens in the IN BETWEEN times that needs new definition.

At dinner last night Megs has been going back to Cross Fit and it shows. I am always inspired by her continual dedication and will power.

Then today, as many other days throughout the past year, my friend Carter posted on Facebook.

DAMN! Right??!! All year she has posted and I have felt compelled. Kind of.  Jealous.  Envious. YES! BUT NO ACTION on my part. (okay...not true, I bought the Beach Body shake and DVD's...I bought the prepared food meal plan...I hired a friend to bring me the Fast Metabolism foods and and...) Carter and I are the SAM E age. Something about seeing AGAIN that it CAN BE DONE...something lit the fire. Soooooo starting RIGHT NOW. I choose me. I choose health and strength and THOSE ARMS...see those arms??? I have had my LAST SUPPER. (number 3017 or somewhere near that number). Yep...one of the Totino's. I had my last coffee. I had a pumpkin cookie. At 1:19 on Sunday the 25th of October I declare my allegiance to myself. To the REAL me.
THANK YOU CARTER....this pic single handedly assisted my HEAD.
Go Time!!!Eager to post my pic October 25th of 2016.....

Until then....gonna figure out the weight lifting strategy. Gonna get me some accountability support. Gonna start loving on some vegies and fruits and some more vegies. Gonna do sit ups and pushs every morning and night. Gonna run some races. Gonna swim at the rec. Gonna find me a hot tub.

SUNDAY 25th of Oct 2015

Morning is hinting at coming from behind the mountains. I wish you could see it....it starts and then comes SOOO fast!!! I am excited. ANYTHING could happen today. ANYTHING. And amongst those ANYTHINGS are some crazy great imaginings and hopes from deep inside.

It is another Sunday morning in my 52nd year.

When I look in the mirror I am sad at the dark circles and extra pounds. Until I come to my chair and meditate. Hey...my legs fold with ease...no matter HOW I LOOK, I FEEL 20 something. My meditation is again about living from my highest self. Throughout I am diverted by love thoughts for my kids, my friends, my work, my body, my home, my world, my possibilities. Sometimes I am diverted by the mean scared thoughts that I have programmed in as well. But only SOMETIMES.

How appropriate. My angel number for the day is 405: God and the Angels are helping you change your life for the better.

I AM.
I AM HERE.
I AM FREE.
I AM HAPPY.

Welcome Morning. The thrill of what could be today races up and out my head leaving my limbs shivering. GOD BLESS IT ALL.

MINE!!!!!

                                                                   ALL MINE!!!!

 THANK YOU KIM for SHARING PYPER!!!! I mean REALLY...ahhhh...HUMANS created this!!! ALL of the above....and hey...I had part in that darling blonde girl up above!!!  xxooxx

Hold my hand??????

                                           Friend posted and I wanted to save.

                                            More magic from favorite artist.

                                                  Beyond the Stars I tell you!!!

Lassen Aria Phoenix...THANK YOU xxooxx

Lassen Aria's post Oct 10 2015 at 9:13 changed my heart....AGAIN. Thank you. What if I just SLOW down? What if it takes 6 years??? It doesn't matter when you LOVE what you do....

https://www.facebook.com/lassenaphoenix?pnref=story

Leader LEARN.

I was taught the 20/80 rule today when dealing with issues with my team...or anyone. 20% of the conversation is in listening and becoming clear on the issue....the next 80% is spent problem solving together by asking questions. If it can not be solved, we spend the conversation speaking to minimize the issue. I was taught that many people feel better by having you LISTEN to their issue without really wanting a resolution.  I LOVE learning a new way. I LOVE IT!!! I choose not to have issue /LISTEN conversations....I choose other energy. I'm learning so much as a leader. Just noting.

I learned that I suck at receiving compliments. I learned that its hard for a man to give a compliment and when I down play it it can make them feel stupid for saying it. 

I listened/learned as I witnessed a network marketing Guru turn a not so exciting venture into one that everyone one wanted to participate in. WOWZA. 

I realized that I LOVE MY WORK. That I love it so much I have to make myself stop (how lucky is that???) What I REALLY LOVE, are the people I work with...and the parts I don't love...I'm hiring someone else to do. My heart is beating out of my chest in gratitude that THIS is my life...and I get to create it!!!!!  xxooxx

PS Did you see how close Venus and moon are these days...a comfort to me in the dark on my runs.

THE MARTIAN

Blew my socks off.

I have just finished Brene Brown's RISING STRONG
....and Elizabeth Gilbert's BIG MAGIC

...and then to walk into this movie! WOWZA. I am gobsmacked. Gobsmacked has happily trounced into my vocabulary the last week. My mind is non stop reeling in the life analogies. To pinpoint our aloneness in our common ground.

I sat in my recliner movie chair as all the wisdom downloaded and transitioned deep into my DNA. YES...we have ALL been left behind "on MARS"..left behind "in FEAR". Whatney says F*** MARS....which really means F*** FEAR. I say AMEN. I say SEE THE MOVIE or READ the BOOK. Make your own life parallels. Today I assessed again the situations to be addressed differently...obviously those NOT WORKING or keeping me from THE TEAM.

I love Whatney's grit, but more, his magical perspective...suddenly, I wanna feel like I'm actually flying around like IRON MAN if I I am OUT THERE zipping all over the terrain of my creating without knowledge of a sure landing.

I am going to start naming things after me since I am living alone in the harsh reality of my Mars environment. No more "curiosity killed the cat"....now it will be THE NATALIE QUESTIONS--- that enlightened generations xxooxx

I love that we came to problem solve as best we can with the information we have brought to ourselves. There are literally 100 phrases or conversations in the movie that held my heart. Even when we are alone....our TEAM is out there coming to our rescue WHEREVER our decisions have placed us.

Really truly mi hijos......TE QUIERO!!!!

I have fear. I feel alone on Mars, left behind...Negotiating the realities and non realities of life.  I am scared. Way more of my life efforting/problem solving has found me face down in the dirt. You get a front row seat. YOU are MY TEAM. I love you.

Quotes from the book:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3659388/quotes
Big talks ahead...
Mom