DYING

I am addicted to near death experience books: Embraced by the Light, Life After Life.... Barb just loaned me a new one entitled MY WALK THRU HEAVEN by Kim Rives. I read it yesterday.

I am so drawn to them because I feel MY true religion in them. Not necessarily Mormonism, but the deepest feelings in my heart. They fill me with HOPE. They burn the reality of a living Christ further and further into my testimony. The Jesus they tell about FEELS like the Jesus I know. He is love. He is acceptance. He is encouragement. He is constant. He is perfection. He is Happiness. He is NOT JUDGEMENT. If you're feeling down for any reason I highly suggest this book or any of the kind. I often feel a twinge of envy for these people to experience it first hand, but they each pay such a high price in pain that I quickly snuff out the envy and replace it with gratitude that they have been willing to share such sacred things that I can learn through them. Afterall, I am still a wuss and can't imagine EVER signing up for bodily pain. Everytime I come away with a new love for my health , and a committment to take care of my body better and love it like it deserves. The lessons for me were numerous in this account. I can never get enough of the LOVE feelings that permeate these accounts. I just need to daily read excerpts to keep my mind in remembrance. How accepted they are for wherever they are in their lives....and then how encouraged they become to come back and acquire virtues that will bless themselves and others. Not to acquire money or fame or security....but LOVE...and every virtue is wrapped up in love in it's truest form. I want to be LOVE. I want to be LOVED. Here a fw favorite excerps from the book....of course they don't do it justice without all the background....but hopefully it will give you some of the feelings I felt.

Upon passing and leaaving her body, she was in a different realm and "I noticed the AIR around me was filled with love, peace, and tranquility. It seemed more refined, a spiritual air" and later..."I won't go back (does that sound like me or what?). I like it here. When I breathe, the air fills (notice not FEELS, but FILLS) like love. The people are nice. I have all my body parts back. I am pain free. I am self sufficent. I'm going to stay." And then later with the Savior "With great compassion he took both of my hands in front of Him and gazed into my eyes for what seemed and eternity. While I stood there looking into those peaceful, consoling eyes, an amazing thing happend. He did not judge or condemn me. Not once did he bring up the situation with my boyfriend or any of my faults, sins or shortcomings for which I felt such shame and embarressment. Not once or with any hint of condemnation did He rebuke, criticize or blame me for things that had happend to me for which I felt remorse. I knew all the things that he could have pointed out, but He didn't. Rather, he just offered pure, guileless approval and accepted me for who I was. He extended to me his unconditional love, a love like I had never felt before. So encompassing was His love for me that I longed to stay with HIM and be with Him forever. Smiling, He queried, "What would you ask of me?" "

I keep thinking about that. What would I ask of HIM?

Later she writes,".....in heaven everyone is beautiful and youthful, full of vitality and pleasant to look upon. CHARACTER is the defining difference. While on earth, it would serve a person best not to work on attaining wealth, possessions and physical beauty, but rather in developing such qualities as hope, faith, good works, love, patience, forgiveness and charity. This is the light that emanates froma spirit being and truly shows what a person worked for and attained whie in mortality." And then the all the bits about loving and serving each other.... I personally KNOW people who are already like that...so filled with goodness and integrity and kindness. Everybody wants to be with them, work with them, be considered their friend.

For those of you still reading...I LOVE YOU. What would I ask of HIM? What I really want is to be LIKE HIM...but I would be terrified to ask...I know the pain and struggle that would inevitably accompany that request....I know how far away I am from it and even my great imagination probably can't dream up what I'd have to go through to learn those lessons. UGH. Mortality. Even as I wrote that I know it was a lie. Not UGH. But REJOICE! CELEBRATE! FEEL THE GOODNESS and LOVE!!! Please be patient with me as I learn to live and love better.