JOSH XXOOXX It's P-DAY!!!!!

Hi Lovey!!!
I just read Dad's e-mail and he's already asked all the questions. I've heard that this ldsmail.net will just shut down after you have been on for a half and hour. Nate Hainesworth has lost 2 letters home by running out of time and then it deletes his whole message...so be careful and if you have to---send it in chunks.

I wanted tell you about the day before you left. I couldn't tell you before you left because I was just trying to get through it without a major break down. First I want to tell you that I just finished reading a near-death experience book (one where the person dies, leaves his body, visits the afterlife and then comes back and can remember what happend there). In every near death book I have ever read they tell how they see Angels EVERYWHERE around most people they see on earth. I believe this with all my heart.

Then, Elder Holland in this last Conference spoke on THE MINISTRY OF ANGELS where he focused his remarks on "God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face"..."In times of special need,(GOD) sends Angels, divine messengers, to bless His children, to reassure them that Heaven is always very close and that His help is always very near....From the beginning down through the dispensations, God has used angels as His emissaries in conveying love adn concern for His children. Usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near......Not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk and talk with--here, now everyday. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods."

With all that said. I was having a super struggle wondering if letting you go was really the right thing. I was obsessed with it my whole run. Finally I just prayed and left it in Heavenly Father's hands saying " I need help. I need to know that this is right for him. I need help LETTING him go."
I came home and showered. While in the showered I remembered thinking the morning you were born that this would be expected of you and HOW ON EARTH was I going to let that happen. And then I had an overwhelming peace come over me and I prayed a prayer of thanks that I had 19 years to prepare. All of that was brought to my memory. After I showered I dressed and headed to WalMart to get the last of the stuff we needed for you. Barb Muirhead called me while I was shopping to see how I was and to tell me what an amazing missionary she knew you would be and that MY sacrifice would be counted as well as yours.

In WalMart I see Donny Osmond and his wife which is a private joke between GOd and me from my early teens...He was the only famous Mormon boy I knew and I thought he (GOD) should at least let me have the chance to meet him...well, those very memories came rushing to my mind as he walked in, and then again as he walked out. So, there was my chance to meet him if I wanted to...only to laugh that I didn't even care now---BECAUSE of perspective...and what I really needed in order to have the prayer of this day anwsered was PERSPECTIVE. Yes, it was a sign to me.

Then, while in Wal-mart, I see Kay Palmer who is BEAMING with excitement for you and telling me how wonderful this is going to be for all of us. As I'm leaving, Sydney Germane and Heather Clarke, two of my favorite and among my most respected LDS mother's ---women who I trust and are thinkers and not just followers for followings sake---are standing there talking as if they are waiting for me and as they hear the news about your call and leaving, are so REAL with their sympathy and SUPPORT and encouragement, testifying of how RIGHT it feels.

Michelle Lewis calls and leaves a message on my phone while I am loading the stuff into the car. Ron texts me. At this point I laugh out loud and let Heavenly Father know that I am not going to try to keep you home, and I have had wittnesses enough that HE truly knew my heart and was trying to comfort me---for which I was grateful.

Then, you leave and I feel bad and worried all over again and I read the near death book and then just happen to choose Elder Holland's talk for the lesson when I went Visitng Teaching, and it all comes together in the most beautiful way in my mind and heart and I KNOW that you are NOT alone, that you are in the company of ANGELS...and I'm pretty sure GMom Broadhurst and Steadwell are among them. I also had the impression that Jane Ann Olsen would be checking in as well.

I realize that YOU didn't need this experience, but I sure did. And it was so impressive to me that I wanted you to know. It has been such a comfort. I was having a good cry session on Tuesday and Ron texted me out of the blue NOT for business, but says HEY...let's talk about JOSH...how are you doing? And I knew immediately that I was just being selfish and that All was well and I just needed to get happy.

I love you Buddy. You can't imagine the comfort I feel knowing you are not alone.The Blog has all the STUFF on it....are you allowed to check it?WHERE should I send the package? Should I send it to the Kenya Mission Home or wait for you to have an address there? How did it go with the extra suitcase for the MTC?I've started swimming and wish I had started before you left. My form must be pretty rotten because strangers are giving me unsolicited pointers. I love it though. Man it makes me hungry as a horse. So wierd that I don't feel that way after a run. And I swear I tinkle a lot more! I knew you wanted to know that.I have a site on my computer that I keep going that lets me know what time it is there. I love it when you are sleeping because I feel like you are safer for some reason. I have felt several times in the day to pray for you in those small rooms. Wish I could have seen the SNOWMAN SONG performed. I'll have to teach you the ONCE THERE WAS A SUMO song that Sister Clarke taught the kids :)Well, I LOVE YOU...I'm praying for you...all the time, all throughout the day. I just forwarded your e-mails to Greg and Dave Chester. Jake might get his call as early as next Wednesday...we'll let you know the second we know. SMILE, LOVE and LOVE some more....MOM XXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX