Love from Sam 28 April 2014

I hope you've all had a great week!!

Last p-day was interesting!! we spent the day playing basketball and card games with the other elders and sisters in Loughborough, then for the rest of the night we finished planning our zone meeting.  

On Tuesday we presented our zone meeting about how to teach for conversion, where we taught our missionaries new ways to teach our investigators how to receive personal revelation through prayer, scripture study, and attending church. We also presented a training on the importance of members in missionary work, and rededicating ourselves to a higher commitment to follow the savior. It was a good meeting and I learned a lot from preparing for it.  After zone meeting we were asked by President Rasmussen to drive to Peterborough, and then to Nottingham, and then to Birmingham, to take a couple of struggling missionaries to the mission home who wanted to leave their missions. the trip was all in all about 5 hours, and traveling is so exhausting! We were so tired.  

Starting Wednesday we started getting blessed like crazy. Most of the people we were talking to started accepting return appointments, and actually kept! we received 8 new Investigators this week! 

Jill is making a lot of progress! she has once again committed to quit smoking and has gone 6 days! her baptism will be on the 10th of May, and yesterday at church she was telling everyone how exited she was for it. She is such a blessing in my life!  

We found this way sweet Investigator named Virginia who is half-chinese but has lived in England her whole life! she came to church yesterday and is enjoying the lessons that we are teaching her. It's so frusrating teaching her sometimes because we think about things so differently. I am converted to the gospel because of my spiritual experiences rather than my logic of how it all makes sense, and it's hard for me to relate to somebody who needs logic! We would love your prayers this week especially for Virginia, Jill, and Jerry.  

I got to go on exchange with one of my favorite companions elder debeikes this week! it was awesome! we worked really hard and had loads of fun, it felt like we never quit serving together. 

This week my testimony was strengthened so much!! I am soo lucky that I have been raised in this gospel and from the teachings of our savior Jesus Christ. I know that god visits his children in their trials! I am on a mission because of my knowledge that people can overcome anything and become truly happy through repenting and turning towards Jesus Christ. The atonement covers EVERYTHING that we go through. So.. When we go through trials, we don't always understand why it's happening. It would be really nice to know! However, one thing is certain, that our savior felt these same pains and burdens we felt, and he overcame them. and because of this, he knows exactly how to help us through each of our trials. I am at peace in my life! and I'm grateful for the oppurtunities that I have had and will have  to practice overcoming trials.  We can't always see how something is going to work out in the end, but it always will. If we dedicate our lives to loving and serving others so that they can enjoy the blessings of the atonement, we are promised eternal happiness, no matter what! pretty cool! I love you all, have a great week. Trials are important and hard!! help the savior carry you through all of yours.  

Elder Harris. 

XXOOXXOOXXOOXX 28 April 2014

Glass Blowing...Creation 27 April 2014

Monday was a day in the Universe where every second is noted. By the time 11am  rolled around there wasn't any makeup left.  My soul felt the re-shaping, and the peace of  having been in the fiery furnace . I walked into GaeWyn's studio at Thanksgiving Point-- where weeks before we'd made a date for her to show me her craft of glass blowing. I suck air to think how abundantly and attentively the heavens tend to me. I feel mystified at their KNOWING.

GaeWyn and I are new friends, but OLD friends. I met her through business. She's the REAL DEAL. I even asked her once if she was real or heavenly..."Both I suppose" was her answer. She answered well. GaeWyn took one look at me, with a happy smirk she says "Oh, looks like you are COMPOSTING:)!" Took me a full minute to digest it. I've NEVER heard anyone say that!  Immediately I fell hard in LOVE with every bit of it. YES. I AM COMPOSTING. As the parable unfolded the tears were dripping, but this time in gratitude. So many things to tear for....I willingly choose to break myself down again and again and again to sprout out again and again and again. I can feel the worms eating the putrefied parts I have created, the consequences. The parable goes much deeper...take a second to find your own place in it.  It's my new favorite word :). My new favorite parable.  Later, when she'd been entranced in her work and we had long been quiet....she looked away from her glowing hot pipe with a quirky smirk and says "Some of my most favorite sentences have the word COMPOST in them. Could I love someone more????? 

 The symbolism of the entire process as she ironically crafted AWARDS was NOT lost on me. She explained to me the process as she worked.

How many gatherings of glass for the project? 
Cold glass will not mold. Cold glass will NOT mold. COLD GLASS WILL NOT MOLD.
Must submit the glass again and again to the fire furnace and the torch to mold it as you wish. 
The glass is molded by tiny marks.
Transparent glass appears black.
The HEAT burns off the unwanted acids.
Sometimes it is NOT what you are creating...but the consequence of what you are trying to honor. (I KNOW, RIGHT?) 
My very breath  creates the space inside for all the holding.
Protect yourself and be smart while you craft.  
Sometimes we do what we do for the secondary gain. 
Don't just move away from the heat, move towards what matters...WHERE you are going with the piece.
If I make this mark upon the piece... WHAT BECOMES POSSIBLE????
The GODS themselves prepared and presented me with her and her gift...like I said...we had made this appointment 4 weeks ago...never suspecting it would be one of those marker days that deserved peace and exclamation marks at the end of it.

Most days we weigh what we might lose, consider the consequences. We weigh what we might gain... consider the consequences. I was stuck. But once I put her new question in my heart..what becomes possible that wasn't before?..my heart lept.  Even now my heart races and I am moved. 

I watch with anticipation as each of you make life creating choices. I am eager to see your weighing and measuring processes. I hope you try on  GaeWyn's method a time to two --just see how it works in your heart. 5 simple questions.

 I love her. The Universe gave her to me. I am Gideon, just ONE MORE FIRE Lord, one more.. she is evidence of the Gods intimate knowing of me down to the slightest details. 4 weeks ago we made this appointment. 4 weeks ago. Only the God's new my steps and with their knowing placed my heart and soul into the warmth of her inner furnace.

I love the feel of  heat on my skin. Her studio felt like MY personal safest TEMPLE. She felt like a Mother Sister Healer Friend GODDESS.  Who AM I that I am so tended to???

Having Michael Josh and Spencer home was Heaven. It just felt RIGHT. Messes galore and all. They brought a friend, Hillary. I love their people choices...seems I am always charmed.

Sad not to open the pool yet. ARGH. Double ARGH.  Still cold rainey nippy.They left Friday morning and I got on my flight Friday afternoon. Yep...I've got another book for you...you won't be surprised...the Title is  LOVE FOR NO REASON.

Awesome sauce childrens...awesome sauce. 

It's hot and muggy here. I love to be outside. I love to get in the car and sauna till til evens out. I love the people that show up to the classes. I love that there are so many worlds going on on MY world that I get to peek into. I am collecting pastors and healers. :) 

Wanna know a secret? I have discovered that I have more crunchy granola in me than  I knew. Maybe ALOT of it. A whole big LOT. 

I didn't use the GPS once today. I didn't realize it until it fell off the dash and into my lap while I was driving. I often look at experiences and wonder how they parallel with my life. This one crashed into my head..even more than my lap... .I am reacquainted with HOME (Gainesville)...and ....I AM REACQUAINTED with home (listening to my heart). 

Sammers. Check Facebook for pics of the boys SO FUN trip. You will all take another once you are home. I can't get the pics to copy over ...I am using my laptop in Florida...and I think you remember my tech skills? I want you to SEE GaeWyn in her studio...so next post I'll have pics here.

I love you BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am excited for the days coming when I can bring you here and have you taste Happiness Florida style:) Everyone pray for Josh and Michael as they switch apartments and as Michael drives home alone this week to drop off his stuff..

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mom

Pics for the Bammer...

 Happy Easter Lovey!! We miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Makes me smile that I planted all those tulips by the swing set JUST for cutting and bringing in the house:)Laura and Raquel came for Easter Dinner.

 Spencer got fried on his Zions Angel's Landing Hike...

 SOOOOOOO HAPPY to have JOSHY HOME!!!

 Behind Gorgtiferous Megs you can see the GREEN coming on!!!!

 Spncer and Casey who are not technically together...but really looking like they still are :)

Love you Bud!!! NO MORE EASTERS WITHOUT YOU!!!!

Okie Dokie.....just sayin'...think you might REALLY LIKE joining me in this...this NOT about weight loss...its super insightful about your TO DO LISTS and the goals you want to achieve  xxooxx
Go to   http://push.kajabi.com/

Did you join me in the free Deepak and Oprah Meditation  this time around? We are on day 6...its all about getting in the flow....think you'd like it :)

She's as remarkable as she is cute!

19 April 2014 Joying My Way to JOY!!! Join Me!

It's been nice to be home all week. I'm excited for Spencer and Josh to get here tomorrow from St. George on the shuttle...Michael decided he will follow on Tuesday or Wednesday...he is hiking in Zion's.

I'm sad its too cool to open the pool.

Went shopping with Megs and Laura today and got cute stuff for Meg's apartment and some HAPPY pool pillows to put on the chaise lounges. I AM SO READY FOR SUN and FUN with our friends.

I don't have pics this week...I will snap one of Scott Cooper at his Homecoming tomorrow...and get some of the brothers once they arrive.

I've just worked like crazy all week while reading two books...in between times...
Illusions  The Adventure of the Reluctant Messiah by Richard Back and  tiny beautiful things by Carol Strayed. I know you are all tired of my book reviews..I hope one day you will find your way to both of these heart awakening voices.

Remember the book THE DREAM MANAGER by Matthew Kelly I read?

 And told you I wanted to lead my Do Terra Team by focusing on achieving their dreams?...by defining them and putting dates to it? I hired a MOST GIFTED, knows how to get to the core of your stuff, and spill your heart out, coach today. Her name is Erin Ginkle. I am sucking in ALL the Universe is bringing to me. I want to add each of your dreams to the big calender of my "tribe". Once we get all the nuances defined, I am setting up an appointment for EACH OF YOU KIDS....(ok, IF you want). The idea is that you meet with her once a quarter and get some real DREAMS defined with dates on them and then she assists and hold you accountable for getting there. Of course my "tribe" will use Do Terra as their financial vehicle...but all of your choices will be perfect as well. SOOO...pretty please...start making your dream lists....I'm asking my team for 100 a piece...big, small, medium, ....all are JUST RIGHT. I'm excited to see and talk with you about yours. I LOVE BEING A CREATOR!!!!!!! Below is Erin Ginkle...you can feel her from her photo.

I am dreaming a READING vacation by the pool...where I read 3 books straight. No working. No leaving. I am dreaming parties by the pool...at least ONE dancing...maybe we could get Ryan to come again. I am dreaming of building the pool house...kind of ready for the POOL to open!

Who hasn't had their Natal Chart session with Michelle Gould yet???? You are SOOOO gonna wanna! Megs had hers this week and LOVED it...ASK her! Michelle is just waiting.

Yeah. I hate that you are all over the place and that no one has been here to dye eggs. We are going to tomorrow after awesome dinner..and then we're going to roll them once Michael gets home. AND your going to HUNT...and yep...you are going to LOVE it!!! Adult prize eggs are maybe even MORE fun than the chocolate ones or the ones with $5 dollars....Sammer's...I'm bringing you a rockin' package in May so you are NOT forgotten.

Sams...thank you for the eating tip...I've lost 6 pounds this week...its always fast the first week...probably not going to weigh next week to keep the energy buzz of it up...my head is so whacked when it comes to weight...I hope I haven't passed that on. I just think I deserve a big award for passing up the Cadbury mini eggs SO MANY TIMES NOW...they seem to be everywhere now that I am choosing NOT to have them.

I wanted to share this quote with you...I BELIEVE IT with all my heart. WE JOY OUR WAY TO JOY:

Life is supposed to be fun. You said, "I'll go forth and choose. I'll look at the data, and I'll say yes to this and yes to this and yes to this; and I'll paint a picture of the things that I want, and I'll vibrate about them because that's what I'm giving my attention to. And the Universe will respond to my vibration. And then I'll stand in a new place where a whole new batch of yeses are available, and I'll say yes to this and yes to this and yes to this." You did not say, "I'll go forth and struggle into joy," because from your Nonphysical Perspective you know it is vibrationally not possible. You cannot struggle to joy. Struggle and joy are not on the same channel. You joy your way to joy. You laugh your way to success. It is through your joy that good things come. -Abraham

I love you. Every day I wake with a prayer that your goodness continues to burst forth. Everyday throughout the day I miss you....and I always wonder what each of you are doing at exactly THAT moment. Hurry home my Chickadees...Hurry Home.
xxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoooooooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Mom

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Whoa...who knew??? I AM SAD I JUST FOUND OUT!! Yet..ELATED at the same time! Feasting ahead.

And kiddos...guess which word pretty much HAS to be in my yearly birthday celebration? I can't believe I didn't think of it myself with Max being so integral with our fam...LET THE WILD RUMPUS BEGIN!

Love from Sam the missed Brother 14 April 2015

Well, it's been an interesting week! on Monday we played football with our chinese recent converts in Loughborough, and then these Nigerian's asked if we wanted to play with them. they were so good and I am still terrible at football but it was so sick to play with them! it starting raining SO HARD! literally the hardest rain I've ever even seen in my whole life, and it was awesome! the rain drops hurt if they hit your bare skin, but playing football in the rain was a blast! I was so wet I just decided to take my shirt off which was a really weird feeling because I haven't been shirtless in ages but it was rad.  After we taught our new investigator Ike, he is really solid! we put him on a baptismal date for the 10th of May, and I think he will be able to make it.  

On Tuesday I had the oppurtunity to go to Leicester on exchange with an Australian in their accent (oz-strigh-lee-on) It was great. He is a new missionary, and his current companion isn't the most motivated to work hard, and so it was cool to help him see what the mission can be like when we spend the day working and having a laugh at the same time.  

On Wednesday we went on exchange again for just a couple of hours so that Jill could have her baptismal interview and so I went and worked with another new missionary for just 2 hours. I love being a zone leader! having the oppurtunity to help so many missionaries discover the potential they have is very special! we talked to 2 ladies for about 30 minutes about their spiritual journey's and how they were frustrated with how they were feeling with their church and with the leaders of their church, and how they were really questioning their faith, and really wanted to know if they would see their family members again that have passed away.  We shared with them the plan of salvation and now the other team of elders is teaching them.. I think I've mentioned this a few times but how crazy is it that 2 boys in their late teens can walk down the street and talk to people who they've never met before and talk about such serious and important things with perfect strangers! it's incredible. and I will miss it forever when I have to remove the badge on my chest.  

On thursday we did service for ages! we helped a really posh family in the ward with their front garden, they had golf clubs and a back yard the size of the whole town of loughborough so it's basically a driving range! I got to hit a few balls out in the field. I've still got it! We went by Jill's house on thursday to see how she was doing and she had smoked. I was not upset or sad that she had smoked, but it was devastating to see how torn apart she was that she had smoked. She was so disgusted in herself and I just wanted to give her the biggest hug ever. we all make mistakes! I just wish that she would realize that everything is going to be ok.  We told her she could still get baptized, but she doesn't want to until she's gone at least 10 days without smoking! so now we're shooting for the 26th!  it's her decision! 

On Friday we got to go to Gifty's baptism! I want to write about Gifty for a bit. She was truly my mother away from home for my 4 months when I was in Coventry. every single time I went to her home she offered me food, GOOD FOOD, and a nice drink, and she would always offer to drive us places and buy us everything, and she wouldn't let us leave her house if it was raining, and she truly does have that mothering instinct in her! I taught her over 40 lessons when I was in Coventry, and seeing her baptized was one of the best things of my mission. If I was to not be able to see anyone get baptized on my entire mission besides gifty and rosalyn, I still would have came in a heart beat, and it would have been successful! this lady really has changed my mission and I'm so happy that Elder Unice and Elder Ferrell we're able to help her into the waters of baptism. She will be an incredible member of the church and now her husband is investigating! she told me that she talked to mom on facebook! she is really shy and she said that she was nervous to reply again haha bless her heart! 

Saturday was a good day, a chinese guy got baptized from the sisters in Loughborough, and he bore his testimony on sunday and taught all of the members an awesome lesson on faith. it was great! 

yesterday was one of the best fast and testimony meetings of my life. It's cool to see that this ward is just super converted! some amazing members with incredible testimonies that you can feel vibe off them. Being a member of the church in a place where <1 a="" actually="" amazing="" and="" are="" around="" be="" but="" callings.="" come="" div="" don="" feel="" feeling="" fulfill="" get="" here="" home.="" i="" is="" it="" like="" me="" members="" miss="" more="" much="" nbsp="" of="" people="" really="" s="" sacrifice="" so="" something="" t="" the="" their="" to="" unity="" us="" utah="" when="" will="" wrong="">

Transfers are wednesday! I think that Elder Tuisku will be the next A.P. so I should be getting a new companion! I will keep you updated! today we are going to play football again and it will be great! later we are teaching a new investigator and a part member family! life is great. oh! and on sunday we found this sweet chinese guy named LAVA who is now on a baptismal date! wooo woo! 

Elder Harris. 

P.S. I am a bit jealous of Seattle. however, I know that I will be with you guys in such a short amount of time that it's alright! we will party hard in March of 2015! love you all so much! 

Bubba Watson Wins Second Masters Title

National Siblings Day AND the week of 7th thru the 12th of April :)

 So yeah...Megs flew into Seattle on April 10th,...National Siblings Day. Spencer flew in the next day. I had arrived on Tuesday and had Do Terra Classes with LauraJane Burke..builder extraordinare:) Sam, you were SO MISSED...but the ridiculously GOOD NEWS is that NEXT year...whatever they plan...YOU WILL BE HOME and APART!!! Let the planning begin! True to form...MUCH GOOD FOOD was consumed. I personally recommend the chicken flauta at CACTUS restaurant.

 Night one at Cheesecake :)

 The boys left on their road trip and I left yesterday. Michael's friend took Megsalina sailing today she is back tonight:)

 She treated herself to Pike's Market flowers.

 Sibling breakfast:)

Last night they went to the Mariners game...yes, even Josh.

Thought you'd want to see what Leslie posted this week on the T Wolves:
Hey baseball fans! The hubs and his team got a TRIPLE PLAY today! A 5-4-3 TRIPLE PLAY! That's a big darn deal in HS baseball, cuz it just don't happen, EVER! Congrats to the T-Wolves.....on the play, and the win! #twolvesbaseball #timpanogos#coachkim #helooksgoodinbaseballpants

LOOK WHO IS HOME!!!! xxooxxooxxooxx

 And here is THE HERMANO.....xxooxxooxxooxx we need a heart symbol!

Hello Loves. What a great week. Sammers...you were with us in Spirit! The weather here is still fickle. Will have to improve greatly to open the pool by the 22nd when you are back home. Crazy wind storm last night---it woke me at 1:30 am and I seriously considered moving into the family room incase the bedroom windows blew in.

I am fat. Fatter than I've ever been. I take accountability. I have eaten some DELICIOUS food since Aug 11th when my bet with Robyn ended. About 36 pounds worth to be exact. Seems like it shouldn't be possible to gain that much in 8 months. I can't fuss. It's been really nice to just NOT WORRY about it. Alas, the time has come to love myself in a new way/weigh :) The LAST time I was heavy and lost it I swore that would be the LAST time. Argh....still that all or nothing girl. Woman. Older female. Noted. Creator self now rushing in to transformation.

Right foot plantar faciitis rearing its head. Back to writing on my foot again. At least I feel confident that it can be healed since it worked on the neuroma:)

I miss running. ALOT. Everywhere I drove in Seattle and Tacoma I saw places my feet longed to trail over. Soon dear body. Soon.

In Tacoma with a new friend I met in an airport a few months ago I learned I REALLY LOVE blown glass. The bridge from her condo into the city center has several pieces by this artist DALE CHIHULY.  The Glass museum was right next door to her condo! We walked the city and his mark was everywhere...and then in Bellevue in  the plaza Michael works in, he had this fascinating chandelier! It was on my bucket list before to have a go at creating something after watching at Sundance. And remember when Josh went with that prom date and they blew glass? NOW...I am enchanted. See that arbor??? LET'S CREATE IT!!! On the 21st I already had an appointment with another new friend (Gay Wyn) to watch her blow the awards for some government "do"....Synchronicity is my favorite!

 I wonder that it will hold in fierce wind?

 Each piece screams FUN AND FREE!

 This needs to go on the west side of the house before you come into the pool area....:)

I love you BIG!!! I'm excited to hear the report on the road trip. I'm excited to hear Sam's report on Gifty's baptism. Sammers,  I waved my magic wand over Loughborough.  I asked the energies of the earth to combine and create the most loving, memorable, happy  and interesting experiences for you in the time you have left. You are a powerful creator in your own right...but it never hurts to ask for assistance...especially when your GOOD is SOOOOOOO GOOD. 

Dad says that Bubba's win would make us all cry. Love our Bubba. "Our" ...makes me smile. He is claimed by so many. I am posting the only Youtube of it next...sorry its not the actual footage where he sinks it and cries like a baby...once that is out I will add it here. Humility endears our souls. 

I am home for almost 2 whole weeks...it is crammed with real estate. I want to send you a picture of my new assistant. She is remarkable...I might have hired her for her scrumptious baby Emmett. SO PLEASED that she is beyond what I hoped ...I would have hired an assistant a LONG time ago if I'd know the JOY of giving over the stuff I hate...who KNEW that there are people out there that LIKE accounting and arranging flights and organizing email contacts with phone contacts and and and.....

The boys were mocking me for my worrying about your safety.  Yep. Its a thing with me. I laughed myself as we were crossing a street in downtown Bellevue and Joshy was lagging as the orange seconds were ticking off...i even said...Josh...don't make me nervous about you! It's really stayed with me. WHERE DID/DOES THAT COME FROM ??? I'm going to do a meditation or two on that. Your SAFTEY is a BIG DEAL to me.  To think I had 4 sons that think sky diving is THE ULTIMATE on the family Hawaii vacation. And the whole HATING to think of anyone being COLD!?!

We all know I have my crazy. Well...multiple crazies. I really felt relief when I realized that I NEVER worry about WHO you are and the choices you make. One day you will know the gift that is to ME from you. THANK YOU. Thank you. TAKE YOUR JACKETS!!!!!

This Momma LOVES YOU!!!!
xxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxxooxx

Sue Monk Kidd

Sue wrote the Secret Life of Bees. I fell in LOVE with her when I read her book THE DANCE OF THE DISSIDENT DAUGHTER.

Jealous again. Silly to be jealous, because they DID include me.  Today she and Oprah were together under the Oaks. I wanna sit under those Oaks with Oprah every single time, and ask the questions I want to ask. I wanna know everything Oprah asks, but then I want to go on to the stuff that seems to linger on my plate. Like, how do you quit worrying about the safety of  your children? (Odd that I trust so fully in WHO you are and the decisions you make, but as you know and mock...its the physical thing---must be past life issues :) )How did you manage to grow from such a different starting place, end up here, and still keep the relationship with your husband? Favorite friends? And others you have scared the hebejzas out of? How/Where did you get the courage to speak your voice? Was your voice always eloquent or are you REAL sometimes too and what comes out is fierce and raw and even harsh to your own ears?  How do YOU live in this world of scrumptious eat me NOW food and maintain a healthy weight? How do you have time for everything? Everyone?  Especially the friends and new ideas? And the quiet time?

I didn't realize it soon enough Loves, but I DID realize it...  that YOU  don't quite love and appreciate my sacred journey as I do. Nor should you. Things are suppose to look differently to us at 51 than 20 something. My arms and heart ache to speed you to all HAPPY places. As I continue to collect these people who know the HAPPY portals well,  I can't help but book mark them...for ME as well as for you! Some of these places of being you just don't have to be as far on the path as I have been to embrace them. So this is entry is just for me. Read if you like...or not. Heart melding things were shared today.

But first...Is there a way for me to make money "sitting under my own Elms"or better, poolside, and just sucking out the REAL of everyday people? I like their/our worsts as much as I like their/our bests. Their worst fill me with HOPE and guide me in my life planning and thinking. My head  rings with the WHY wouldn't I do that? Or WHY have I done that? My heart stays steady in so many longings.

That's what I am doing really. Spending my days creating and questioning all the realness around me. Seeking. Finding. Sue made me laugh...she said in her 50's  she decided it was time in her SEEKING to start FINDING somethings. I sit her surrounded by so many of the things I have FOUND. This office is a sacred place for me. Having just left all of you in Seattle, WHEREVER YOU ARE is a sacred place. And sweeter still...I have found...that wherever I am, whatever I am doing, whoever I am doing it with...it is sacred.

I want to be able to live the beautiful life of comfort and time abundance while connecting with people. Real people. That takes time. Unfettered, attention focused time. I feel like the dog that wants to roll around in EVERYTHING of interest he comes across--whether is smells "good" or not! The everyday energies around me, those who haven't written a best selling book or done anything that the world has taken note of... the ones whose everyday lives compel me to beg for more and more days on the earth to touch their energy. I am half lying. I want more time with the exceptionals. I want  my Sue Monk Kidd's and Marianne Williamson and Robert Schwartz's. The one's who have found their voices and use them in ways that turn listening into prayer.

Highlights of the interview for me today:
*You can feel homesick at Home.
*Read Thomas Merton , THE SEVEN STORY MOUNTAIN OF THE TRUE SELF
*Our Soul moves us by our longing
*You find your light, you lose it, you find it again
*We become what we pay attention to: What brings YOU Natalie ALIVE?...your LOVE is your OXYGEN
*Ask for the thing that lies in the bottom of your heart (nun story at the tree)
*We should "take away" our own breathe once in a while
*Just to BE is Holy, is a gift
*I came here to live out LOUD\
*Life is full of cocoons (especially like this after last weeks Mark Nepo thoughts)
*You don't leave one self behind, its an integration...love this.
*Anytime you are fully present you are in prayer.
*"She's been boiled down into a GOOD, STRONG broth :)
Super Soul Sunday is what I always wanted church to be. I leave with a heart filled with HOPE about ME AND my world, with new ideas for my life plan, and SOOOOOO HAPPY...so so so so HAPPY to be sharing my transformation with others who are SEEKERS and FINDERS and SHARERS.

Sam worried about balding 7 April 2014

well hey guys! 

This week was alright! for zone p-day we played basketball which is always so much fun and it's great to run around and exercise for a few hours. I failed to eat breakfast or lunch, and played basketball with basically nothing in my system, resulting in a massive migraine. from 5-9 I couldn't really move, I was in a lot of pain! I learned my lesson for sure though, I will never skip a breakfast again no matter what! We saw Jill nearly every day this week considering this is the week that she is stopping to smoke! she has now been cigarette free for 6 days! she is sooo exited for her baptism this saturday! she watched all 4 sessions of general conference, and she called us after each session so we could talk about all of the different speakers and how she learned something relevant for her life in every one! that was so cool and it's amazing to see someone who has truly become converted through the book of mormon.  

On Tuesday we had Mission Leadership Council with all of the zone-leaders and sister training leaders, it was a great meeting! we received really good training and we're pretty stoked to apply it to our work and to help the other missionaries grasp the vision we set for the mission. There was a missionary who was a zone leader for only 3  transfers, and then president felt prompted to drop him to be a senior companion, and he is tearing it up and really helping his whole district a lot, and so president has made a rule that no one will be a zone leader for more than 5 transfers unless he feels prompted to keep them there, so I will be back on a bike eventually! I'm actually quite exited for when that time comes, so I can just focus all of my time on proscelyting again.  

I know it sounds terrible, but I am so tired of talking to English people! they are just normally not that nice, except for the members haha, I just want the Nigerian's and chinese and ghanian's back! speaking of ghanian's, I heard from Elder Unice in an email that my old investigators gifty and rosalyn will be baptized on saturday, which makes my whole mission! they are the investigators I've wanted to accept the gospel more than anyone else, and I love them like heck!! I will get to go back to coventry to attend the baptism. It will be INCREDIBLE.  

I got to go on exchange with a portugese elder named Elder Silva! that guy is awesome. we stayed up talking until like 2 in the morning so I had to drink a red bull the next day cause I was exhausted. 

We did loads of driving missionaries around this week. there is a sister from Northern Ireland who is going to get the surgery that I need (for her nose) because the growth in her nasal path is starting to cause her a lot of pain, she is 37, so I probably won't have to worry about that for a few years! so she went back home for the operation and we drove the 90 minutes to the mission home and 2 1/2 hours back because of traffic, so we basically got nothing done all day which was frustrating.  

General conference was spectacular! it's kind of silly how exited us missionaries get for general conference, it's comparable to little kids on Christmas Morning.  My favorite talk was probably Dallin H Oaks in Preisthood, because I learned a lot, and President Uchtdorf's on Sunday morning because I felt the spirit so strong! Elder Bednar, Elder Scott, and Elder Holland also had exceptional talks as well. 

Now it's P-day! we will be playing football with an investigator and some of the recent converts at the university and it should be fun. it's supposed to pour down really hard so that will always add a bit of interest! 

I'll be honest, I haven't fallen in love with Loughborough like I did so quickly with Eastwood and Coventry. It's the hardest I've worked on my  mission and not the most success, and I'm frustrated a bit, not discouraged, but frustrated. I wonder what Heavenly father wants me to learn from this rough patch. I shouldn't be complaining, I should be grateful like President Uchtdorf says. it is possible that 4 of my investigators on saturday will be baptized, so that is absolutely crazy! but for Loughborough, I feel like I'm just expecting everything to happen as quickly and smoothly as it did in coventry because of the work were putting in, and it just hasn't happened like that before. I'm open for any advice!! the next April General conference we will be watching it all together :) that was weird to think about. sorry that this last paragraph has been venting haha I love you all so much. have an amazing week! 

the pictures are 1: of my bald head and 2: the elders in my district, taken about 3 seconds ago! 

 This is backwards...just a bit after England I went to Columbus Ohio to finish my certification with Dr. Hill in Aroma Touch with the oils. Dr. Hill is brilliant. And I'm not using that word  because I just got back from England. I LOVE to be with educated and knowledgeable people...what am I saying, I really love most people. But the ones further along the path than me in certain areas really rocks my soul!
England was fast paced and super successful, so this trip was a much needed break. I was sad to be just far enough away from my Aunt Sheri to not be able to get to her and back. But the evenings were DELICIOUS with reading and planning.
The training was held next to this HUGE cheer event...I was never so overcome with the claustrophobic feelings of what it would be like to live in a world of clones....they all seemed to be dressed the same. The sameness was oddly suffocating. It made me rethink my feelings on school uniforms. Eirely odd since they were all smiling and super charged with energy.

 ENGLAND!!!! This is Becky!!! My first and MOST RIDICULOUSLY OFF THE CHARTS BUILDER!!! Look for her name in the annuals of DoTerra...you will find her there in less than a year I promise. This is the Do Terra distribution center for all of Europe...yes...we were SO EXCITED to be there!

 Here we are with the TOP Management...brown nosing immediately. Actually didn't need to...they are so dear and assisted us with EVERY need! xxooxx

I hate this picture of me...It shows every pound..but look at that dog...look at sweet Megan...I may have a dog in my future... this is the end of a long day...these people were crazy nuts....we were up till 5 am one night, 330 two other nights and after midnight all the rest!!! GOOOOO DO TERRA!!!! I left with 11 builders and 17 signed in all...too fantastic to believe. I expect 7 founders by August....cross your fingers eyes and toes for me will you? Later I will list some of my new KEEN words...

Amazingsauce

How adorable....even though my heart wanted her in MY family....I am so thrilled for her happiness and what an incredible catch she choose. AMY CASTLEBERRY and SHANE DURFEY...I LOVE YER GUTZ!!!

Miracles and more miracles....I did NOT see SAM in ENGLAND.

It's almost not fair for me to write this almost 2 weeks after the fact...or is it MORE fair...what IS FAIR?
Fair is the wrong word. I am letting you know that this sweet place I have come to has been a process. That the lessons and light began AFTER the experience.
I am having gifts showered on my heart. TIME and awakening and grace have altered this original experience to the truth that now lives within me.

SOOOO Loveies...you know how much I wanted to see Sam. I found out the morning I arrived in England that he felt it was better for us not to see each other with the mission rules and his current companion being strictly observant of keeping all rules. AND I hope you know that as a mom I really do love HIM and want to respect him even more than I want to satisfy ME...well, mostly. My human self just gets in the way.

Yep...I had some tears. Ok...maybe some sobbing in the Heathrow Airport bathroom. Sam's text came is as I was sitting on the tarmack waiting to deplane. I was grateful the angry "I hate stupid rules" part of me held till I got to the bathroom-- where I faced SAD HUMAN MOTHER MISSING SON FOR A YEAR.  I really hated that I was choosing sadness instead of joying that Sam had the guts to choose himself and what was best for him at the moment. Yep...I knew I had a choice. I thought of both. I appreciated and was even PROUD of him that he had that kind of courage against a force such as I am. Those sobs kept coming. I commanded the angels and the heavens to hasten to that stall...to surround me, to bring me to my highest self and hold me and pour all the grace I have earned over me. I'm going to do that more. It was almost immediate. I swear my whole body got HOT like a hot flash and my head felt cradled and stroked. There weren't any more tears.  My heart slowed and filled with contentment...simple, sweet, blessed contentment. t I was grateful that I had about 20 minutes to  get myself together before meeting Becky...my flight had come in early...I felt that the very air currents had created this pause for me. I was so grateful.

During the week I was asked MANY times if was hard having him so close and NOT being able to go be with him. I would just pray for comfort. I wasn't sure if his decision was what HE really wanted or what he felt he had to say...the energy I was feeling from him was different from the words sent...but then I had to heart check to see if I was imaging the energy. My imagination is powerful.

During the week this amazing idea materialized ...I was thinking back to Wacky Wednesday days when we studied about the Native American and their coop sticks....they would ride up to an enemy and instead of killing them they would touch them with their stick and ride away. My heart just burst thinking how incredibly brave, and what a show of love and discipline it would be to "touch" Sam somehow without him actually seeing me.

SOOOO...I got ALOT of these FAT post it notes of all colors and wrote I LOVE YOU and other I LOVE YOU BAMMER , SAMMER messages on them. I was going to post them ALL over his door and the walls of his front porch...and leave his package. My last night there, after a last training and class...very late (11:30 pm, another SAM---a ward mission leader our Sam served with) drove me the hour plus to his flat.
His street looked just like Harry Potter's in the dark! Can't wait for Spencer to see it one day.

It was a lock up flat and you had to be rung in. Sam the ward mission leader throws pebbles at a window to get a guy to let us in...he does but then we miss the buzz and couldn't get in. Next he rings a random person and tells them a missionaries mum is outside...they let us in. We creep in...it is a NEW flat and I am so excited that he lives in such a NICE place! Already my heart is relieved. He has this small alcove/mudroom thingee you go through with a door that closed before you get to his real door...maybe 4 feet by feet. We plastered that alcove, left the present, got away safely and back into the car. My heart was proud of me.

Then the car won't start. We spent about 20 minutes fiddling with it. Sam the ward mission leader was convinced the last person to fill it had put in Diesel instead of Petrol. He was NOT HAPPY that we might have fried the motor. My phone was dead. His phone was almost dead. We tried calling his home. There was no gas station in site...he thought if maybe he could flood the engine with the right gas it would start...or something like that? By now its 230 in the morning. No way to call a cab or get assistance. We decide it was best to wake to our Sam and his companion and ask them to assist us or to call a member to come...I stayed in the car so our Sam wouldn't have to see me. OF COURSE I WAS ALMOST LAUGHING to think that I might get to see him!!! The laughter and excitement left in seconds as I felt the energy of what I could not see shift. I felt sick inside. The whole 25 minutes Sam the ward mission leader was gone I got to sit and assess. It really doesn't matter YOUR take on this, I can only imagine what some will think as they read and feel their way through MY take. Here it is. I knew that things were not going well. I prayed. Quickly I came to know that indeed my energy had created the car not starting. I still don't understand the HOW of it. I felt self betrayed...I also felt comforted that the HEAVENS knew my intent. I prayed that whatever was going on, it would settle as SAM would have it...that HE would know no matter what that I loved him and would be JUST FINE. (I had to leave for my flight in just a few hours).

Sam the ward mission leader returns exasperated. The companion would not allow our Sam to even open the door to have a conversation. When Sam asked if they could call someone in the ward  the companion replied that everyone in the ward would be sleeping and would NOT be able to help us. When asked if he could call a cab he said he could not. Our Sam finally said through the door how sorry he was that he couldn't open the door. Sam the ward mission leader leaves and comes to join me in the car.

There was more to it...more details aren't necessary/ You can imagine on your own the feelings of all involved. I couldn't understand it just then, but I had an outpouring of love and frustration at that companion.
I had already been given to know that the car would work fine now if Sam would just start it. I told him so. He looked at me like I was crazy. He asked me WHY I would think that and HOW could I know. He apologized but talked around it not wanting to ruin the engine further with any attempts. I asked him to please just start it....and you know the rest...we drove home in the light and knowing of many miracles.

I asked him to text our Sam so he wouldn't be worrying about leaving us stranded...and mostly to calm his heart about how he must be feeling about not being able to open the door.

As we talked about the whole situation on the way home, it became the most beautiful analogy for me and my life.

Sam's mission companion is amazing to have acted in such perfect obedience. Think of  his integrity in keeping the rules in the sway of such pressure. What LOVE he holds for all he believes to be right and true. And maybe some fear. How many will count his obedience with honor?...me included. Yet, I call for the parable of the Good Samaritan. Duality children. Duality. This is our life. Here is the  rule. Then the parable to make sure you break it at the "right" times. Duality.We must learn to embrace it. The only way I know to embrace it is to LIVE BY OUR HEARTS and not our heads.  I heard Mark Nebo say today..."when we keep choosing between right and wrong we spend our energy sorting instead of living...choose from your heart". I believe that. I also believe that our Sam's companion totally choose from his heart. So only love for him can dwell in mine.

Sam the ward mission leader, who also loves the rules, desired an exception in time of need.  No matter the knocking or pleading  the door was not to be opened. So he left. It would not have proved fruitful to keep knocking. There are OTHER ways. There are always other ways. Sometimes we get caught up in the ways we think would be easiest or make the most sense. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER way. I love that in this case the OTHER way was through the process of my own creation. Acknowledging my own part in the situation, calling on heaven for aid-- another way, and receiving. The heavens are in ALL THINGS...both sides of the duality.

I don't think anyone would fault Sam the ward mission leader for seeking the aid of the missionaries considering the circumstances. Sam the ward mission leader is a "legend" as they put it there.

When the scriptures say that the letter of the law killeth and the spirit of the law maketh it LIVE...what does that mean? It depends on the side of the door you are standing on .

At first I was so SAD for the position I put our Sam in. Time has made me grateful for the entire creation. It has helped me to see that Sam, and all you kids, are standing watching Dad with his real LOVE and in deepest integrity, unable to open the door for me to certain things....and I, wearied at the knocking, have walked away. There are other ways. There are ALWAYS other ways. What those other ways are will manifest as we continue to dance together or apart with our interpretations of the duality.

My heart has to trust-- that you will trust Dad and I, in the LOVE you know each of us to be--in our messiest, yet most earnest,  heart and sometimes head choosing selves. Since it worked so well in that bathroom stall in Heathrow airport, I am again, commanding the heavens from my purest love, to flood each of us with peace as you feel the pull of each side of  "the door". There IS BEAUTY all around when there is LOVE at HOME...
but whoa...who knew that beauty and love could hold such duality, pain and joy, and crazy dance steps???

I love this life adventure almost as much as I LOVE EACH OF YOU!
Mom
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Mark Nepo...MY HEART IS ON FIRE

 I do not ever intend to compete with your conference weekend. But I hope SOME weekend or week middle or week beginning you will find this man's interview's on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday and entwine your soul with his. I HAVE SET MY HEART ON FIRE with the fanning of his flames of knowings.

He said a couple dozen things that made my heart leap and joy....just a few:
"I went through a door and once I went through it there was no way to go back...that place didn't exist for ME anymore"
"Whatever opens us is never as important and what we are opened to..."
"A cocoon for a butterfly after it has left does not mean it is false, only that the cocoon has served its purpose and has moved on...."  WHOA. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
If you love to sing...you must SING!   SO...since I love to DANCE...I MUST DANCE!

 I've just ordered his book 7,000 ways to Listen.

Megs came in while I was drinking him in...I said  "I don't think I really want to live life...I just want to spend all my time learning about how others think it can be done"...Megs says THAT IS NOT TRUE. We laughed. Then I said " Ok...you're right. I want to be messy in the middle of ALL of it. I guess I just want to not have to spend hours working--I want to  spend all my time learning  and living it". Again Megs says THAT IS NOT TRUE. More joint laughter at the daughter calling a mother on her truth. I love all my work. I have been so blessed that way. So the truth...I ask for enough hours left here to read all I want to read, ...to sit and bask at the feet of all that have come that keep my curiosity at its upmost peaks, To be able to PRACTICE what I come to know.... TO HAVE MORE HOURS IN EACH DAY, IN EACH WEEK to be able to ingest all that is calling to me.....for my soul to soak it up and try it out....to have the quiet, and time to BE what sings inside me. And of course...to DANCE with the music LOUD:)

I loved when he said " When we come, we are asked to learn to ASK for what we need only to practice ACCEPTING what we are given". That is a duality I know personally. I may be close to perfection in the ASKING...in Accepting the lines are fuzzy..."IN THERE" somewhere is MY freewill and my abilities and my efforts and MY MY MY....will I one day have the trust and faith to just let life come to me? He speaks of SURRENDER and how it is like a fish in the current and just giving into it...he talked of how we all have our current and own flow. So many currents I am strong enough to breech. So much flow.

Now to biking terms...I LOVE to be in and feel the draft of a powerful guide...I also enjoy the unobstructed view of taking the lead. I JOY that each of us has that unobstructed view of traveling our own lives no matter who may be the guide of the draft we feel.

Will you go back now and read his poem again?
You must give freely.
FEAR WASTES AIR...think that is going somewhere BIG outside by the pool...
Love you messy, love you deep, love you REAL,
MOM
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