Obsessive psycho personality

I was up at 4 to be at the American Fork Gold's Gym for the 4:30 PUMP class to be followed by the spin class...I stayed waiting like a benevolent stupid dog for it's uncaring owner...nobody came to open the gym. Literally over 100 cars came and left and I just stayed...until 5:15...I might add I do really really really LOVE my seat bummy warmers. I left and came home and got back in bed--because the treadmill would have woken the boys right? And the eating began...it all started with a bite of a fish stick...yes, 1/2 of a fish stick taster at Costco--battered. And then my brain took me straight to APOLLO burger for #1 cheeseburger and fries with fry sauce, then I ate 4 oatmeal raisin cookies from COstco--yep, the big ones, and then grapes and cherry sours and steak and potatoe burrito for dinner...it is now 6:45 and I desparately need to stop. How does MY brain work that I rationalize this? While I'm in the middle of it, it all makes sense. Now that I am about to burst I am so sad. How many pounds will that be tomorrow? How far will I have to run? WHy why why did I do that? I just want to be a NORMAL eating person for awhile. How can I be 44 years old and not have this figured out? Why is food so comforting and pleasing to me?
This post is only to be read my women. WOmen who love me. Women who know its a battle to be healthy AND happy. There. COnfession over. I still love food.