Shoes are telling...

I have pictures of GrandDad and Olive in the hospital just after it happend. He doesn't look so good and I don't want to remember him that way. So I am not posting them.
Mother's Day morning, I had just come back from a run, showered, and was on my way to Wingham when the nurse called to tell me GrandDad was really struggling and that we should get there as fast as we could. I sped back to the farm to get Preston and somewhere in all of that I somehow ended up with 2 different shoes on...I didn't realize it until I got out of the car at the hospital...an hour away from either matching shoe. Being an hour away, I just stayed like that for the whole day. It was extremely symbolic for how off kilter I felt. For how I especially feel like 2 different people in the same body sometimes...especially in Canada with trying to "feel" my way through how to best be GrandDad's grandaughter. How each shoe is my favorite for comfort but for different weather. How GrandDad and I have been through so much "weather" in the last year and a half. Who knew there were such huge lessons to learn at 46 and 47 years old? Then I had to laugh thinking back to my wedding day when I forgot to pack my white pumps and only had the BLACK pumps I arrived in to get married in. I have pictures. Then I thought of how I never remembered to BRING the slippers to the hospital when having my scheduled C-sections. I guess the shoes say it all for me. By then we were in deep love with our nurses tending to GrandDad, so we ALL had a good laugh about it several times throughout the day. We took Olive to a Mother's Day Dinner at the Legion in Brussels later that afternoon and only a few people noticed...or dared to stare.---That crazy American GrandDaughter of Bill's can't even get her shoes right. Nope. She can't. And GrandDad was just teasing...he wasn't leaving that day...he wanted to go on the 12th...so waited until he was ready. And more than once the thought crossed my mind that he was just as stubborn in death as he was in life. And in stubbornness, I am truly his.